Sport

British sporting success making us look like dicks, Remainers admit

REMAINERS have admitted that unprecendented British sporting success the first summer after Brexit is not doing their cause any favours.

They both play sport: Reasons why Gavin Williamson confused Marcus Rashford with Maro Itoje

THERE are many reasons the education secretary could have confused Rashford and Itoje, and none of them were because they are both black. It was probably one of these:

Five reasons why Ronaldo's a crap transfer, by supporters of other teams

RONALDO is an absolutely crap transfer for Manchester United who’ve proved what a total desperate mess they are, as fans of other teams explain.

How to bore non-football fans shitless now the season is back

WANT to annoy the hell out of people who don't give two shits that the football season has started again? Try these tactics.

Six football teams exclusively supported by twats

SOME football shirts indicate that you’re a twat from a mile off. If you’re a fan of one of these clubs know that you’re judged by everyone.

Britain’s Olympic heroes prove we're best at everything, says country unable to supply own food

THE UK has proudly proclaimed that its Olympic heroes mean it is a major world power, while ignoring empty supermarket shelves.

Gangnam Style: Five things Sky Brown is too young to remember that will depress you

IS 13-year-old Olympic skateboarder Sky Brown making you feel like a withered old husk? It won’t help that she has no memory of these landmark events.

The six worst school sports memories of your childhood

EVERYONE loves the Olympics when you can watch it on telly with a glass of wine and a pizza. But do you remember the trauma of actually doing sport at school? Here are the low points.

Flytipping, and four other Olympic sports Britain would be world-beaters at

THE only reason Britain isn't leading the medals table is because we're not doing the sports we excel at. Here are the events we'd take gold in:

Why I've got more bottle than Simone Biles, by a gammon

ALL this talk about ‘mental health’ you get today. ‘Ooh, Mr Site Manager, can I take the day off, I’ve got to look after my mental health instead of doing my job.’ What a load of bollocks.