Triathletes unable to say why

COMPETITORS in punishing triathlons are at a loss to explain why they would ever take part in them, it has emerged.

We ask you: who do you fancy to knock England out of Euro 2024?

THIS could be England’s year to go all the way to the stage where they are defeated by a better team, but who will that team be?

How the Euros are going to f**k up your month if you don't give a shit about football

IF you don’t care about football, your life is about to become a waking nightmare. Despair as you're subjected to these things, you non-football-loving weirdo.

Why is it here? What did we do wrong? The US guide to the US-hosted Cricket World Cup

THE USA is co-hosting a Cricket World Cup it knows f**k all about. Here’s a guide to the perplexing, tedious sport so beloved of British people.

We ask you: will United beat City in today’s FA Cup final, or does the world make sense?

MANCHESTER United play rivals Manchester City in today’s FA Cup final, but would a shock win cause the magnetic poles to reverse and the dead to walk the earth?

Relegations fail to reduce football

TEAMS relegated on the last day of the Premier League season will only be replaced by different ones, it has emerged.

Gammon would still shag Team GB flag if it was up for it

A PATRIOT outraged by the Team GB flag would still give it one if it gave him the eye, he had admitted.

We ask you: is it time to kick out England's most successful manager since 1966 for being shit?

GARETH Southgate, the most successful England manager since Alf Ramsey, is a miserable failure who lost his country two Euros and a World Cup. Time for him to go?