Sport

THE transfer deadline is upon us, making it imperative your club blows multiple millions on a player with a record of six goals in the Belgian second tier. But who?

RUBEN Amorim’s Manchester United have lost their first game one-nil to a team widely tipped as title contenders and yet he remains in post. Why?

YOUR son’s first football match should be a wonderful bonding experience you’ll treasure forever, but instead all this shit happens.

A MAN with an extensive knowledge of football is patriotically refusing to voice his real views on the quality of yesterday’s penalty shootout.

ENGLAND’S women have admitted they have reached a saturation point of being inspired by the Lionesses’ heroics.

WOMEN are officially much better than men, the Euro 25 final has proved for the second time.

A MAN has dismissed the Lionesses’ win last night as nothing but an end-to-end thriller snatching victory from the jaws of defeat in the final moment.

PUBS across England are bracing themselves to be overrun by women watching the England-Italy semi-final in a serious, respectful manner.

KNEELING before football games was not a mechanism by which racism would be eliminated entirely, the England women’s squad have been informed.