NEWCASTLE have volunteered to be relegated from the Premier League, following their 6-0 defeat at home to Liverpool.
NEW goal-line technology is to be used in everyday life to create a more just world.
THE organisers of the Grand National have catapulted a horse into the side of a building to compensate for this year's lack of fatalities.
CARLISLE United has installed North Korean tactical genius Kim Jong Un as manager.
F1 BOSSES have launched an investigation after a race somehow became unfixed.
ENGLAND deliberately lost to Wales as part of a plan to boost the smaller country's morale, it has emerged.
THOUSANDS of Cheltenham attendees are discovering that horse racing is incomprehensible.