Sport

HARRY Kane has been congratulated on becoming England’s top goal scorer but advised to do it during a World Cup quarter-final penalty.

THE landlord of a pub would give anything for it not to be a Sky f**king Sports one.

TONIGHT’S Match of the Day will be broadcast via live Ceefax updates, the BBC has announced.

IF only it could be different. If only Gary Lineker had the good sense to be a right-wing bigot, he could air his political views as often as he liked.

WOMEN have agreed that of all the pathetic things men are far too obsessed with, football is easily the worst.

The Premier League has never been better but you’re too cheap to go to their matches. Here’s what you’re getting by supporting a shit League Two team instead.

A NEW VAR system to correct bad VAR decisions is to be introduced in a bid to eliminate human error from football once and for all.

ANDY Murray is raging about having to work for five hours and finish at 4am. Here's how to feel sorry about this blatant breach of his human rights.

THE BBC has apologised for Gary Lineker interrupting interesting sex noises with his annoyingly matey football punditry. 

THE performance of a man’s fantasy football team has been severely affected by fantasy lawsuits with the fantasy club’s fantasy owners.