Sport

Southgate asked to stay until he f**ks up and is fired

England have mountain to climb in poor piece of scheduling

THE England team are to spend tomorrow completing an ascent up Germany’s tallest mountain in an ill-timed motivational exercise.

Starmer: I will put a flare up my arse for final

THE prime minister has promised to celebrate England reaching the Euros final by putting a lit flare in his anus.

VAR: a reassessment

VAR awarding teams with undeserved penalties: is it actually a net positive? A reassessment.

Hopes rising England might play like they've met each other

England fan pops round to Netherlands fanzone to score eighth

AN England fan has swung by the Netherlands fanzone before the game to pick up an eighth of blueberry haze.

Ten-year-old England fan already knocking back pre-game Ribena

A YOUNG England fan excited for tonight’s game is already hitting the Ribena way harder than usual.

Djokovic correctly identifies that nobody likes him

Fans worried England might be quite good

FANS of England have admitted real concern that the team they are supporting may actually be decent.

We ask you: will our new prime minister's rousing rhetoric inspire England to a 4-0 victory?

OUR new prime minister charged the whole nation with adrenaline from the steps of Downing Street yesterday. Will England do him proud with a massive win?