Sport

SCOTLAND have announced they have been knocked out of the World Cup before playing their first game, with fans largely unsurprised.

ZOOKEEPERS have revealed the 412 animals who will successfully predict the results of this year’s World Cup.

THE captain of England’s cricket team and a Saracens rugby player came to blows in an argument about whose is the shittest sport, it has emerged.

JUST like the rest of the country, I can’t wait to see if the football will return to where it came from originally. Let’s hope those jewels remain still gleaming.

THE World Cup is almost here, and with it the chance to pull a team out of a hat and lose £1 because it’s Panama. Which no-hopers have you been stuck with?

THE upcoming World Cup is expected to be such a horrible, dispiriting tournament that it would actually make sense for England to win it.

A OPEN-TOP bus commiserating Arsenal’s Champions League defeat has driven through London’s empty streets without acknowledgement or fuss.

THE Southampton spy who has caused the club to be removed from Championship play-offs was actually a Middlesbrough double agent.