Sport

HAVING built its identity on football-related self-pity, England has no clue how it will react if it beats Spain on Sunday.

FANS of the Lionesses since their 2022 Euro win may today face the unpalatable discovery that they do not win every time.

PEOPLE in Australia already know who won today’s semi-final match because they are nine hours ahead.

AS Brighton midfielder Moses Caicedo agrees a £115m deal with Chelsea, 1980s football fan Norman Steele explains the true value of this summer’s transfers.

WOMEN excited about today's match against Colombia have started singing a boisterous yet modest football chant, it has emerged.

WOMEN have added scoring penalties to the long, long list of things they are better at than men, it has emerged.

A WEEKLY game of five-a-side is always ruined by the one player who seems to know what he is doing.

A WOMAN regrets mentioning the Women's World Cup to her mum, who thinks the England players should be less competitive and "more feminine".

THE public perception of cricket as a dickhead sport for absolute twats was confirmed after the Ashes series was decided by f**king rain.

SUPPORTING the Lionesses, who play Haiti at 10.30am today, means you have a duty to be properly lagered up before the game. Here’s how to get through it.