Sport

THE Tartan Army have confirmed that now Scotland have been knocked out of the Euros they will be backing England all the way.

THE England team, favourite to win the tournament, are in fact crap. Which one player is entirely responsible and should be sent home?

AN innocent young England fan who has only known Gareth Southgate as manager is puzzled as to why the team is rubbish all of a sudden.

ENGLAND fans watching the game in a fanzone today say they will not celebrate goals by flinging their pints in the air because they cost the best part of a f**king tenner.

COMPETITORS in punishing triathlons are at a loss to explain why they would ever take part in them, it has emerged.

THIS could be England’s year to go all the way to the stage where they are defeated by a better team, but who will that team be?