Sport

Armbands, hats, Dark Side of the Moon on vinyl: what we're banning, by Qatar

WELCOME to the greatest ever festival of football, a sport we love. Certain items are banned from games for peace, harmony of all involved. These are outlawed.

England to take moral high ground by losing

ENGLAND are to take the moral high ground in the Qatar World Cup by losing all their games in protest, they have confirmed.

How to make sure everyone knows you're not watching the World Cup

MADE the difficult decision not to watch the World Cup for ethical reasons? Worried there are people who haven’t heard? Here’s how to tell them.

Footballs next thing to be banned from Qatar World Cup

PRESSURISED air-filled balls made of polyurethane panels are the next thing to be banned from World Cup stadiums by the Qatari royal family.

Man not ethically conflicted about Qatari World Cup because none of it was up to him

A FOOTBALL fan is not in the least bit ethically conflicted about the upcoming World Cup because none of the decisions anywhere along the line were his to make.

All 26 members of the England World Cup squad and how they'll individually let us down

THE England World Cup squad has been named, much to the country's regret. Here’s how each of them will disgrace the shirt.

Unbelievably oblivious prick super-excited about World Cup

A MAN with his head up his arse who thinks politics is something that only happens to other people cannot wait for the Qatar World Cup to begin.

Liverpool fan wakes up from dream where he kisses Erling Haaland

A LIVERPOOL fan has sat bolt upright from a dream in which Erling Haaland scores a hat-trick against his team and then they make out.

The five stages of grief while filling in your World Cup 2022 sticker album

YOU’RE considering doing a Panini World Cup 2022 album even though this tournament barely counts. What stage have you reached?

Niche sports that got their 15 minutes of glory in Hollywood

THERE are only so many movies about boxing the public can endure. This is why Hollywood has resorted to making whole films about these niche sports.