FOOTBALL is considering the introduction of blue cards but has yet to decide how they should work; the FA just really likes the colour. How would you use them?
Roy Hobbs, church warden: “They should be put in a sin bin – a metal container 15ft high containing the personification of all their sins ie adultery, coveteousness, pride. They’re not allowed back on the pitch until they’ve defeated them and climbed out. It’s a metaphor.”
Lucy Parry, choreographer: “If they’re sent off for being too worked up, make them watch kittens or puffins gently gamboling until their blood pressure drops.”
Steve Malley, graphic designer: “Blue is actually a very calming colour in itself, so players should stare at that until they feel relaxed. Might take ten minutes or so but it’ll still be quicker than VAR.”
Wayne Hayes, caretaker: “Three colours is halfway to the gay rainbow. Why must they shove it down our throats?”
Norman Steele, pensioner: “About bloody time. It’s bias against Chelsea there hasn’t been blue before. No wonder it’s always Liverpool and United winning the league. And Norwich.”