Sport

Horse-catapulting placates Grand National crowd

THE organisers of the Grand National have catapulted a horse into the side of a building to compensate for this year's lack of fatalities.

Kim Jong Un to manage Carlisle United

CARLISLE United has installed North Korean tactical genius Kim Jong Un as manager.

Formula One launches race unfixing probe

F1 BOSSES have launched an investigation after a race somehow became unfixed.

Rugby 'victory' was planned to make Wales feel good about itself

ENGLAND deliberately lost to Wales as part of a plan to boost the smaller country's morale, it has emerged.

Cheltenham Festival crowds have absolutely no idea what is going on

THOUSANDS of Cheltenham attendees are discovering that horse racing is incomprehensible.

Footballers may be intelligent enough to fix matches

FOOTBALLERS have become sentient enough to cheat properly, it has been claimed.

New Arsenal kit from Tesco

ARSENE Wenger has revealed Arsenal’s entire kit cost him just £200 from the Highbury branch of Tesco.

Murray in danger of no longer being funny

ANDY Murray risks losing his status as a byword for risible mediocrity.

Spain show boring inability to be rubbish

EURO 2012 winners Spain have come under more fire for showing a reluctance to mix things up by being bad at football.