Sport

THE public perception of cricket as a dickhead sport for absolute twats was confirmed after the Ashes series was decided by f**king rain.

SUPPORTING the Lionesses, who play Haiti at 10.30am today, means you have a duty to be properly lagered up before the game. Here’s how to get through it.

THE Women’s World Cup that is set to bring women’s football a new wave of popularity is on at 8.30am on a Thursday, it has emerged.

FATHERS attending their children’s annual sports day were appalled that the purpose of the event appeared to be enjoyment rather than fierce competitiveness.

ORDINARY people who do not give the slightest bugger about tennis are nonetheless rejoicing in Djokovic’s dramatic loss yesterday.

THE famous people in the crowd at Wimbledon are always incredibly bland and well-behaved. Which 'edgy' celebrities would liven things up a bit?

JUST Stop Oil protestors have been told to get their knobs out or flash some tits if they are going to disrupt Wimbledon.

THE MCC has offered Australia a full apology after remembering that cricket is all the nation has to offer the world.

AN independent report has concluded that cricket is largely played by wanker posh boys and is therefore bad in all the ways that posh wankers are always bad.

FOOTBALL fans in the United Arab Emirates have been told to put their club affiliations aside and back Manchester City to bring it home for Sheikh Mansour tonight.