Sport

A YOUNG England fan excited for tonight’s game is already hitting the Ribena way harder than usual.

FANS of England have admitted real concern that the team they are supporting may actually be decent.

OUR new prime minister charged the whole nation with adrenaline from the steps of Downing Street yesterday. Will England do him proud with a massive win?

RONALDO? Full of himself. Thinks about nothing but his own legend. Jude Bellingham, mouthing ‘who else?’ to camera while grabbing his balls? Just self-assured.

THERE is slightly less than a week to go until England can be certain whether Gareth Southgate is a national treasure or disgrace.

THE England team have shown they are a reflection of their country by doing piss all apart from for two minutes on the deadline.

ENGLAND fans are deciding which barely-capped players to assign to positions they have never played in before to win the next game six-nil.

A TOTAL dick has used up annual leave to secure a tee time on a Wednesday because the weekend is a bit busy.

ENGLAND have hit out at critics, explaining that through patient, cautious exploratory manoeuvres they believe they have ascertained exactly where the goal is.