Five magical things about going to a League Two football game

The Premier League has never been better but you’re too cheap to go to their matches. Here’s what you’re getting by supporting a shit League Two team instead.

VAR system to be brought in to eliminate VAR errors

A NEW VAR system to correct bad VAR decisions is to be introduced in a bid to eliminate human error from football once and for all.

How to feel sorry for Andy Murray finishing work at 4am

ANDY Murray is raging about having to work for five hours and finish at 4am. Here's how to feel sorry about this blatant breach of his human rights.

BBC issues formal apology for Gary Lineker talking over sex noises

THE BBC has apologised for Gary Lineker interrupting interesting sex noises with his annoyingly matey football punditry. 

Man's fantasy football team in fantasy legal battle with fantasy corrupt owners

THE performance of a man’s fantasy football team has been severely affected by fantasy lawsuits with the fantasy club’s fantasy owners.

England: did they lose because a man failed to kick a ball into a goal?

DID England lose against France because a striker failed to score a penalty, or for some other reason? We investigate.

'We won't want that on,' confirms grandmother you're visiting about England game

THE grandparent you are dutifully visiting for Christmas has confirmed that she will not be putting the England-France game on, thank you.

France manager's team talk focusing on meaninglessness of existence

FRANCE manager Didier Deschamps has told his team that existence is meaningless, all life’s strivings end in death, and winning will not bring them happiness.  

England briskly and efficiently dispatch opponents like a bunch of f**king Germans

THE England team last night beat Senegal as simply and methodically as if every single English player was secretly a Kraut.

How to have a Christmassy World Cup

IT’S Christmas, and also the World Cup, therefore it must be Christmas at the World Cup. Follow these tips for a Yuletide football spectacular.