Sport

THE MCC has offered Australia a full apology after remembering that cricket is all the nation has to offer the world.

AN independent report has concluded that cricket is largely played by wanker posh boys and is therefore bad in all the ways that posh wankers are always bad.

FOOTBALL fans in the United Arab Emirates have been told to put their club affiliations aside and back Manchester City to bring it home for Sheikh Mansour tonight.

A FOOTBALL fan acts like his team is a force for moral good rather than a bunch of ruthless mercenaries prepared to bend every rule in order to win.

THIS afternoon’s FA Cup final sees Manchester United face off against their even more evil negative self, Manchester City.

BRITISH, but strutting around in an Inter Milan shirt like you’re something special? Did you know your chosen garment also reveals what kind of twat you are?

THE total loserdom of tens of thousands of football fans is shortly to be confirmed when their crap football clubs are deservedly relegated.

A MAN who up until yesterday was an ardent Arsenal fan is now feigning ignorance about the sport of football as a whole, it has emerged.

MAURICIO Pochettino will today reluctantly agree to earn eight figures for doing a shit job as Chelsea manager until November.

YOU’LL never get on TV by actually winning the Marathon, so try getting the BBC’s attention with one of these wacky costumes instead.