The Christmas traditions you'd happily never see again

CHRISTMAS is a time for doing things you’ve done so many times before that you hate them. Here are some traditions you’d love to see the back of.

Artificial tree envious of trees that get to die

AN ARTIFICIAL Christmas tree is jealous of real Christmas trees because they are allowed to die.

Seven reasons why 1970s Christmases were the greatest

YULETIDEOLOGISTS have long agreed that 70s Christmases were the best. This judgement by men in their late 50s is objective fact. Here’s why.

The f**king uncomfortable things you're sleeping on at your parents' place

YOUR parents’ house cannot accommodate you, your sister, your brother, his wife and their kids, so you’re sleeping on one of these.

Coca-Cola made Santa red, and other tedious Christmas facts peddled by twats

LOOKING forward to the tedium of talking to arseholes who love Christmas trivia? Here are some well-known facts you’ll have patronisingly explained to you.

Fox hunters, and other groups that oddly hate Boris Johnson now

SINCE darts fans, of all people, have declared themselves Boris Johnson-haters, here are some other unlikely groups with a sudden antipathy toward the PM. 

The patron saint of lost Hermes parcels, and other saints the modern world needs

IF CATHOLICISM ever wants to be as big as BTS, it needs an upgrade and new saints to pray to. Which ones do we need the most?

£50 for sister, £10 for brother: how much are your family members worth at Christmas?

YOU can’t put a price on family, apart from at this time of year when you’re forced to. How much should you spend on each relative?

Christmas brought forward to tomorrow and lockdown to day after, says government

THE government has brought Christmas Day forward to tomorrow and full lockdown to first thing Wednesday, they have confirmed.

DC vs. Marvel debates, and other things you wish were cool when you were a kid

EMBARRASSING pursuits that used to get you beaten up are now cool. Here’s what you wish was socially acceptable when you were young.