Society

We ask you: Where would you like to see paved over with a data centre?

HUGE whirring data centres are set to expand across the UK. Which parts of the country would you like to see replaced with one?

Disappointed man misheard VJ Day

A MAN is feeling somewhat let down after mishearing that today is VJ Day, it has emerged.

'Not everyone at Durham is a wanker': Supportive things to say to teenagers getting their A-level results

IS a teenage friend or family member getting their A-level results today? It’s a stressful and emotional time, so show some sensitivity when you talk to them. Like this…

We ask you: what else should over-70s with poor vision be banned from doing?

NEW measures could see over 70s with poor vision getting banned from driving. What else should they be stripped of?

'Child lockdown initiated': How to refer to everything in bullshit 'amber alert' jargon

WE'RE not experiencing an 'amber alert', it's an 'enhanced hot weather response'. Here's how to make the rest of your mundane life more exciting with quasi-military jargon.

Care home forced to cancel wet T-shirt contest due to hosepipe ban

AN ASSISTED living facility has had to abandon its annual wet T-shirt contest after the surrounding area was issued with a hosepipe pan, it has emerged.

Otherwise progressive woman very backward when it comes to straight men

A WOMAN with progressive social opinions in other areas of life has extremely retrograde views when it comes to straight men, it has emerged.