Society

THE public have informed Andy Burnham that chucking everyone two grand would provide some much-needed breathing space.

UNDER 21s are to be legally prevented from selecting their own haircut before they develop a sense of style.

ANDY Burnham's Manchester branch of 10 Downing Street smacks of being based on a uncritical love of all things Manc. So do the city's claims to greatness stand up? Let's see.

ARE you not very good at lying that you’re in the middle of dinner when a charity fundraiser knocks at your door? Try these tactics instead. 

A MAN is monitoring how quickly his neighbours remove England flags from their homes to determine if they are a racist. 

ATTRACTIVE teachers will get a break from being wanked about by teenagers during the long summer holidays.

NOT watching England get knocked out by Argentina this evening? Here’s how to enjoy a country where everyone else is busy.

RESEARCH has found there is no correlation between giving teachers expensive end-of-year gifts and academic performance so parents should not waste their money.

PATRIOTS have been banned from painting a 60ft England flag on the side of a building just because they are planning to use human blood for the red bits.

LOOKING for a parcel that’s allegedly arrived? Don't worry. I, your humble and innovative delivery driver, have left it in one of these clever places.