Society

CRITICISING any of Britain's many, many flaws will see immigrants shipped off for sheer bloody ingratitude, the government has announced.

IT'S hard to believe, but not everyone likes you as much as you do. These are a few tell-tale signs people actually find you f**king irritating.

A NAIVE 18-year-old has decided to take a degree that will do nothing but deepen her understanding of the world and appreciation of the human experience.

Waking up with a hangover that's left my anus barking like a dog, I imbibe more water than a data centre to take the edge off.

A TEENAGER has convinced his parents that a grade 1 is the equivalent to an A* in the updated GCSE marking scheme.

A secondary school teacher could not care less what some kid they taught 20 years ago is up to these days.

A NEW survey has ranked all England’s towns by friendliness. But is it accurate? We visit the five towns lowest on the list to get told to go f**k ourselves.

THE next emergency alert sent to all residents of the UK without warning will warn against sending a text to your ex.

A 34-YEAR-OLD woman’s greatest fear is not only being targeted by a serial killer but also being his least alluring victim.

AFTER subscription renewals and fake sales, Andy Burnham has outlined the next nine minor rip-offs his government is directing its efforts to stopping.