Society

RESEARCH has found there is no correlation between giving teachers expensive end-of-year gifts and academic performance so parents should not waste their money.

PATRIOTS have been banned from painting a 60ft England flag on the side of a building just because they are planning to use human blood for the red bits.

LOOKING for a parcel that’s allegedly arrived? Don't worry. I, your humble and innovative delivery driver, have left it in one of these clever places.

STRUGGLING to tell the difference between a multi-millionaire former London trader-cum-MP and the establishment? Know your enemy with this guide.

A MEMBER of an ethnic minority who bastardised his name into a single, easy-to-pronounce syllable has been lifted into the air by his gammon colleagues.

LONDON Pride is being billed as a vibrant celebration of diverse sexualities, but secretly we have only one aim: converting all straight people, especially older white men.

WHILE once-unpopular names like Alfie and Ivy have enjoyed spectacular revivals, others have not. Britain has quietly agreed that no child should have to answer to these.

NEVER visited the North? No need, as you’ve heard what it’s like? Keep this list of Northern cliches on hand to drop in for any discussion of Andy Burnham’s politics.

IN your schooldays Mr Logan would emerge from the cigarette smoke of the staffroom, mutter about fractions and visibly wish he could still belt you one.