Society

SHOCKED that I, a man who masks up, blocks roads and hates the RNLI, believes strongly in Christian values? Let me explain the role Jesus plays in my life.

THE 300 masked men who blockaded the port of Dover have confirmed they are also available to arrive in force at far-right birthday parties.

THE Bayeux Tapestry records the birth of Britain as a nation when we heroically lose a fight to the French. What should be on a new one?

SCOTTISH people from the higher social classes are inherently amusing due to their nasal accents and other factors, experts have announced.

LABOUR MPs have founded a private school themed around the working classes so their children can grow up knowing hardship, but safely.

A WOMAN who listens to podcasts about violent crime in every spare moment would prefer never to be the victim of a violent crime herself, she has admitted.

WAKING up with a hangover so excruciating I crave a head transplant, I pop an Alker-Seltzer and pray to any god who'll listen for relief.

AN irritating friend has once again steered a group's conversation towards an anecdote all about himself.

CRITICISING any of Britain's many, many flaws will see immigrants shipped off for sheer bloody ingratitude, the government has announced.