Society

A MAN is monitoring how quickly his neighbours remove England flags from their homes to determine if they are a racist. 

ATTRACTIVE teachers will get a break from being wanked about by teenagers during the long summer holidays.

NOT watching England get knocked out by Argentina this evening? Here’s how to enjoy a country where everyone else is busy.

RESEARCH has found there is no correlation between giving teachers expensive end-of-year gifts and academic performance so parents should not waste their money.

PATRIOTS have been banned from painting a 60ft England flag on the side of a building just because they are planning to use human blood for the red bits.

LOOKING for a parcel that’s allegedly arrived? Don't worry. I, your humble and innovative delivery driver, have left it in one of these clever places.

STRUGGLING to tell the difference between a multi-millionaire former London trader-cum-MP and the establishment? Know your enemy with this guide.

A MEMBER of an ethnic minority who bastardised his name into a single, easy-to-pronounce syllable has been lifted into the air by his gammon colleagues.

LONDON Pride is being billed as a vibrant celebration of diverse sexualities, but secretly we have only one aim: converting all straight people, especially older white men.

WHILE once-unpopular names like Alfie and Ivy have enjoyed spectacular revivals, others have not. Britain has quietly agreed that no child should have to answer to these.