10 American words you were still ignorant of the meaning of at 40

YOU were on the cusp of middle age before you realised what exactly a ‘semester’ was. These still confuse:

I'm worried I'll never be able to afford my own second home

THE current cost of living crisis and impending hikes in energy bills are worrying for all of us, but especially people like me who are seeing their humble dreams of owning a second home crumble to dust.

'So's your mum': the 1980s schoolkid's guide to wit

DID you once savage your classmates with your astounding repartee? Then you no doubt used these zingers back in the day.

15 ways in which all other drivers prove themselves to be arseholes

DRIVING would be so much nicer if it wasn’t for all the other total twats on the roads doing these things.

How to summon the energy to be outraged

TOO unsurprised to be properly pissed off by yet another f**king Tory lockdown party? Build your anger stamina with these tips.

A hundred people bringing their own booze and other things the Met Police haven't noticed

POLICE at Downing Street completely failed to spot 100 staffers with eight-packs of Stella in blue plastic bags getting shitfaced in the garden. What else did they miss?

Piranhas, spontaneous combustion and the Bermuda Triangle: how kids thought they'd meet their doom

REMEMBER when you thought you’d die of something cool, and not from a sedentary lifestyle and poor genes? You were convinced these five things would kill you.

Nobody has to go and see any f**ker this weekend

WITH all relatives and friends met and all obligations discharged, the entire UK is not open to seeing any f**ker this weekend.

A private education and an Oxbridge degree: Things twats think make life hard for them

PEOPLE love to complain about how bad they have it, especially pricks who've been handed everything on a platter. Here's what they enjoy whining about.

The Christian baker's guide to not making a gay cake

CHRISTIAN bakers are bravely holding out against making cakes for gay people. As the ECHR drops a case against two of them, godly baker Martin Bishop explains how to keep your cakes straight.