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'Self-respect' removed from Cambridge Dictionary

THE inclusion of ‘skibidi’ and ‘tradwife’ in the Cambridge Dictionary means it has been forced to remove ‘self-respect’ from its pages.

Having once again sullied the hallowed pages of its dictionary by including vapid slang popularised by social media cretins, Cambridge University Press has omitted definitions of honour and dignity from its latest edition.

Lexicographer Julian Cook said: “We had room. We could easily have squeezed ‘self-respect’ in on page 948. But sadly, the word has lost all meaning to us.

“We studied its definition for hours but we couldn’t make sense of it. Apparently it’s all about having an internal sense of worth that isn’t dependent on external validation. That won’t trend on TikTok, fam!

“Instead we’ve crammed in words like ‘delulu’ and ‘broligarchy’ that have at least another three months of common usage. If that comes at the cost of this so-called intrinsic value, it’s a price worth paying.

“Language is constantly evolving and it’s our job to reflect that. I can already see us cutting words like ‘reliable’, ‘learning’ and ‘resource’ from next year’s dictionary.”

17-year-old James Bates said: “Nothing kills off slang quicker than academic endorsement. We’re going to have to make up new bollocks now.”

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Six great actors who will be remembered for their shittiest film

TERENCE Stamp has died, and his many acting triumphs are being overshadowed by his role as a one-dimensional villain in Superman II. These actors will suffer the same: 

Dame Judi Dench

A storied career in stage and screen over six decades has seen Judi play Sally Bowles in Cabaret, play a definitive Lady Macbeth, win Tony awards, Olivier awards, Baftas and Oscars, and yet what will the headline photo be when that sad day finally comes? F**king M out of the f**king Bond films.

Sir Ian McKellen

Opposite Dench in that acclaimed 1976 Trevor Nunn production of Macbeth for the RSC? The great Ian McKellen. Such a fine actor with such incredible range. His 1930s-set Richard III, which he co-wrote, redefined a role Olivier was considered to have made his own. The picture editor’s tough choice? ‘Hmm. Gandalf or Magneto?’

Kate Winslet

Right through her career it’s been arthouse for Winslet. Whether Heavenly Creatures or Holy Smoke, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind or The Reader, she’s consistently challenged her audience and herself. But she knows and we know it’ll be Titanic, the only debate being how much cleavage to show. They are magnificent, to be fair.

Kristen Scott Thomas

A fine actress, despite debuting in a Prince film even Prince fans cannot enjoy, with a career on the West End stage and in Paris. Indeed she’s also starred in many French films which must be impenetrably arty by the simple fact of their nationality. Yet to the wider world she will forever be the one from Four Weddings who says ‘Duckface’.

Jack Nicholson

Actually, The Shining is far from Jack’s shittiest film. That accolade goes to anything he made from Anger Management onwards. But for a brilliant actor with a unique screen presence and a filmography of Chinatown and Five Easy Pieces to be remembered with the axe-door picture is an indignity. Still, at least it’s not the f**king Joker.

Heath Ledger

As proof. Heath Ledger was, after Brokeback Mountain, thought to be one of the greatest actors of his generation. Nominated for an Oscar aged just 26, he aspired to direct and write his own films. He would have become a legend. Instead he’s remembered for being the Joker in a bloody Batman film. Not even the most recent award-winning Joker.

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