THE female libido is mysterious, wilful, and relishes adventurous sex that leaves the dusty bedroom behind for wild lust in exotic locations. Take her to any of these and you’re in:
A school fête Portaloo
Festival portaloos have seen it all – sex, rock’n’roll, losing a wrap down the toilet and crying. But at the school summer fair? No such sordid history is attached, making it fresh and thriiling. You’re the only couple ever to bang to the gentle thump of Splat the Rat and the rippling of the Hook-A-Duck stall, and that makes women wet.
A supermarket trolley shelter
These translucent, transcendent structures keep trolleys safe from the wind and rain, offering protection. Making it all the more stimulating that you’re riding her bareback within one and without even popping a pound in the slot first. The risk of being seen through the plexiglass, the rain and the windscreen of a Honda Civic takes her to new heights.
The bedroom of a show home
You know exactly the type – clean in an uncanny way, stock images on the wall, vase of lifeless flowers. Tell the estate agent you can’t commit to a four-bed new build until you’ve stripped off everything but your blue shoe covers and got down to it. They knew when they called it ‘King’s Moat Garden Village’ what effect it would have on women.
A building site
Building sites are strictly no trespassing, especially if you don’t have the relevant protective gear. And there’s nothing more attractive than forbidden fruit. Don your hi-viz, hard hats and steel-toed boots to make love in the shadow of heavy machinery or up scaffolding. The cement dust will make every lady’s nethers throb with desire.
Her parents’ bedroom
Every woman secretly dreams of making love in her parents’ bed. So, when they’re away and you’re catsitting, sneak upstairs, strip off, and drape their John Lewis throw over your most intimate parts. Call down in a sexy bellow that Fluffy can wait. Spunk all over their counterpane and then put it in on too high a wash to really be naughty.
