DOWN with the 2SLGBTQIA+ revolution? You f**king bigot. How are you keeping yourself so ignorant that you’ve missed the new sexual identities?
Human sexuality has come on leaps and bounds since you last thought about yours. Anyone unaware of these new emerging identities will look like an ignorant, prejudiced fool at their next swingers’ social:
Semisexual
The semisexual gets a ‘semi’ for anything with that word in it. That could be a semi-professional wrestler, a semi-detached house, or even semi-skimmed milk. Their favourite porn films? The seminal ones.
Lesbiandroid
A lesbian is a woman who exclusively has sex with woman. A lesbiandroid, meanwhile, is a woman who exclusively goes for female robots. Yes, they’re officially called ‘gynoids’, but the only thing they love more than the gleaming dome of a titanium tit is a good pun.
Homersexual
Though easily confused with the term ‘homosexual’, a ‘homersexual’ refers to someone who is attracted exclusively to characters in Greek writer Homer’s epic poems. And they are having one f**k of a summer.
Interrim-antic
An ‘interrim-antic’ is someone who loves any part of the body which is between two holes. The two holes could, in theory, be in anywhere. They’re not, though. They also enjoy sex on golf courses.
Pamsexual
Pansexuals cast a wide net, and are attracted to people of all and any gender. ‘Pamsexuals’, meanwhile, have the strict criteria of only going for women called Pamela. Invariably older women. Jeans, Sandras and Susans need not apply.
Mehromantic
While aromantics may not be able to experience romantic attraction, ‘mehromantics’ can only feel it when the least possible effort is expended. Attending a scheduled date with a bouquet will disgust a mehromantic. Texting ‘U up?’ at 4am gets them instantly wet.
Gay Davies
Gay men are not a monolith, and Gay Davies are a key example of where preferences may diverge. While most at least express desire for a twink or bear, these gay men exclusively fancy The Kinks’ singer Ray Davies.
Armoired
Being ‘closeted’ is no longer the default for LGBT people yet to make their sexuality public. Folks who are ‘armoired’ may also conceal other parts of their identity, such as their real name, criminal convictions or leadership of the Restore party.
