Society

YOU never thought it would happen to you, but it has: you’ve seen a tweet which could be viewed as an incitement to violence. Time to call the police.

TWO men who hail from shit British towns are locked in argument about whose town of origin is the shittest, onlookers have confirmed.

BRITAIN’S much-hyped Summer of Rage was a disappointing let-down worth only two stars out of five, it has been revealed.

EVEN the most unassuming, rational men have a deep-seated hatred of asking for directions. Here is the physical pain they would gladly endure instead.

I STALK the airport, mind keen, senses honed. Watching for the subhuman scum who walk among us, flouting the law with cabin bags larger than 40cm by 30cm by 20cm.

YOU live in Notting Hill and have therefore won, but there’s an annual weekend where people come to your area, dance about and commit light crime. Here’s how to pretend you don’t mind.

THE August bank holiday is world-renowned for its epic traffic jams. How are you seizing the opportunity to savour them?

TODAY’S GCSE results have once again shown academia’s clear and unjustifiable bias against children of average to low intelligence.

PASSENGERS on a flight from Corfu wrote goodbye texts to loved ones after their plane suffered a terrifying engine fire. Just for a laugh, what would your last panicked SMS be?