Society

THE public has demanded a knighthood for Toby Jones, hero of ITV’s Mr Bates vs The Post Office, rather than the real Mr Bates the show was based on.

SIR Keir Starmer is responsible for pretty much every single crime that has ever happened. Here right-winger Roy Hobbs explains why.

THE Post Office has asked you to forget about how it destroyed hundreds of people's lives and focus on a fun new set of Spice Girls stamps instead.

WHAT trends can we expect in the new year, especially if you’re a gammon? Here Roy Hobbs takes a peek into the future and does not like what he sees. 

AS rain falls and you’re reminded of the only other Bible story you know, you reflect on what a logistical nightmare Noah’s Ark would be. These animals would have ruined it.

A DOG has politely asked to be given the receipt for an underwhelming gift.

YOU’VE been invited around for Christmas by your children, the meal is done and you’ve enjoyed a small sherry. Should you leave now, or stay until past 11pm?

DEAR Him/Her/They. Santa is currently undergoing awareness training, so I will making some alterations to your Christmas. Here are my substitutions.

SPOILER alert: Santa isn't real. But did you learn the truth in the most traumatising way possible? 

NEVER felt loved or supported by your own father? Your Christmas gift shouldn't reveal your true feelings, so here are some ideal for emotionally stunted dads.