All women on TV will be blokes: A gammon's gloomy predictions for 2024

WHAT trends can we expect in the new year, especially if you’re a gammon? Here Roy Hobbs takes a peek into the future and does not like what he sees. 

Six animals that would have been a f**king nightmare on the ark

AS rain falls and you’re reminded of the only other Bible story you know, you reflect on what a logistical nightmare Noah’s Ark would be. These animals would have ruined it.

'Where's the receipt?' asks dog

A DOG has politely asked to be given the receipt for an underwhelming gift.

When to leave: a quiz for elderly relatives visiting for Christmas

YOU’VE been invited around for Christmas by your children, the meal is done and you’ve enjoyed a small sherry. Should you leave now, or stay until past 11pm?

I will be filling in for Santa this year. By Woke Santa

DEAR Him/Her/They. Santa is currently undergoing awareness training, so I will making some alterations to your Christmas. Here are my substitutions.

How you found out Santa didn't exist, ranked from horrifyingly traumatic to traumatically horrifying

SPOILER alert: Santa isn't real. But did you learn the truth in the most traumatising way possible? 

The best Christmas gifts if you have an emotionally distant relationship with your father

NEVER felt loved or supported by your own father? Your Christmas gift shouldn't reveal your true feelings, so here are some ideal for emotionally stunted dads.

Five times of the year more wonderful than Christmas

DESPITE the song’s claims, Christmas isn't the most wonderful time of the year. It barely scrapes into the top ten. These occasions are far more wonderful.

Middle-class man caught on horns of binmen tipping dilemma

A MIDDLE class man is torn between feeling he should tip his binmen and not actually wanting to go near them.

You don't talk to each other on buses either, Northerners told

PEOPLE from the north of England have been accused of hypocrisy by constantly going on about how unfriendly Southerners are on public transport.