Society

Leaving the toilet seat up proves we didn't piss through it, say perfect gentlemen

MEN have explained that they leave the toilet seat up not because they are lazy bastards, but so women can feel confident it will not be covered in piss.

Britain headed for tattooed pensioner crisis

THE UK faces a generation of old people with inappropriate tattoos from neck tattoos to entire sleeves, experts have warned.

Six things girls do that men wrongly and optimistically consider to be lesbian

WOMEN can hardly pillow-fight in frilly nightwear while giggling without men salivating over its sexy sapphism. These behaviours give them the hopeful horn...

Labour to fill your town with more ghastly little boxes and the 'people' who 'live' in them

THE government is to force councils, even in nice places, to build nasty little red boxes and to pack them with the kind of humans who can consider such a thing ‘home’.

No survey was necessary to confirm British 15-year-olds are miserable twats

A SURVEY which found UK 15-year-olds have the lowest life satisfaction in Europe has come as no surprise to their parents.

Angel, and other bits of London that sound nice but aren't

PERUSING an Underground map, you imagine London is filled with beautiful, charming enclaves. How wrong you are, for these quaint-sounding areas are actually shitholes.

This bank holiday the worst one, Britain agrees

THE August bank holiday is easily the worst of all the year’s bank holidays, the UK has decided.

Walked two miles to open an envelope then straight down the pub: GCSE results day in the 90s

KIDS who get their GCSE results by email today will never know the fun of results day in the past. Here’s how yours played out.

The 17 deadly weapons of the middle-class child

YOUR skin prickles. The hair on your neck stands up. A middle-class child is approaching, armed and dangerous. But which of its deadly weapons will it choose?