Met Police were just trying to reinforce message that women aren't safe at night

THE Metropolitan Police explained they only violently assaulted a women’s vigil to remind women why they should stay home at night.

Have you got the mad skillz to help a reversing lorry?

DO you possess the high levels of self-assurance needed to help a lorry driver reverse a massive dangerous vehicle? Find out with our quiz.  

Mum treated to horrible breakfast, shit card and cleaning up the kitchen

A MOTHER-OF-TWO has awoken to the relaxing sound of her children being shouted at to make Mother’s Day cards while buggering up her breakfast.

'Doomscrolling' and other terms we'd pay good money never to hear again

THE rich and beautiful English language of Shakespeare, Donne and E L James is increasingly a thing of the past. Here are yet more words that should be fired directly into the sun.

How to be a free speech bellend

‘FREE speech’ is the latest buzz-phrase for right-wingers and ranters. Here’s how to bang on about it furiously without understanding it.

What to say about a baby scan that looks just like every other baby scan

HAS yet another acquaintance announced their pregnancy with a sonogram photo that could be night vision footage from Springwatch? Here’s how to respond.

I was born in the wrong era, claims man who would've been a twat whenever

A TWAT insisting that he belongs in a different time period has yet to realise that he would have been just as unpopular a dick then.

Five ways to survive Monday's 'school run to end all school runs'

AFTER months of homeschooling, tomorrow's return to class is bound to begin with absolute carnage. Here are some tips on how to get through it in one piece.

How to improvise a school uniform when none of it fits any more

HAS it been so long since your children physically went to school that none of their uniform fits? Here’s how to improvise in a panic on Monday morning.

Child-raising in the 1970s: a parent's guide

WERE you born in the modern, enlightened times of the 1970s? Here are the rules your parents used to raise you.