Fuel crisis now only affecting southern twats

THE fuel crisis is now only affecting motorists in London and south-east England or as the rest of Britain terms them ‘twats’, retailers have confirmed.

Man scared of group of teenagers who do not even register his existence

A GROWN man is feeling intimidated by a group of teenagers who have not even noticed he is there.

Are you confident or did you go to private school?

SELF-WORTH can be developed over time or by having parents who can afford pricey tuition fees. Find out where your confidence comes from with our quiz.

Spot the difference: Blitz spirit vs. 2021 petrol shortage spirit

HAVE you noticed yet again the difference between Brits’ legendary ‘Blitz spirit’ and how they actually behave in a crisis? Here's the myth vs. reality.

Is your journey really necessary? Take our quiz

FUEL is unavailable across 90 per cent of Britain and every car journey burns more of it. But are the journeys you are making vital or wasteful?

Honk at gridlocked traffic: the twat's guide to panic-buying petrol

THE public has been told not to panic-buy petrol, so of course that’s exactly what it’s doing. Here’s how to purchase fuel like a hoarding twat.

BMW X7 driver offering sex for petrol

THE driver of a BMW X7 SUV has signalled his willingness to trade sex for petrol effective ongoing, his colleagues have confirmed.

The next six things we're taking away from poor people, by the Government

YOU scrounging paupers have had it too easy for too long. Here's what we, the government, will be taking away after £20 off Universal Credit.

Five shite items from your wardrobe a Gen Z teen would buy as 'vintage'

TEENS will wear any old shit if you say it's vintage. Here are five items of clothing you can flog to the idiot young.

Man who isn't a total arsehole keeps being called 'woke'

A MAN who is not an irredeemably awful arsehole is being praised as a 'woke' progressive.