ARE you full of the joys of the season, mince pies and festive-themed ales, or are you a vicious miser who deserves a good triple haunting?
Joe Turner, barman: “There’s been snow on the ground, Tesco’s sold tenner litres of Bailey’s, and on Strictly couples are having full penetrative sex. How can anyone deny it’s Christmas?”
Helen Archer, academic editor: “Please. It’s not December yet. Just let me have this one last day before I’m thrown under the wheels of the approaching Santa Claus Coke lorry convoy.”
Lauren Hewitt, radiologist: “It’s the anticipation of this special season I love most. I’ve been edging for 11 months, and tonight I’m finally going to strum myself off to The Polar Express.”
Francesca Ryan, borehole consultant: “Well, I’m Jewish. Or Hindu, or Muslim, or whatever will get me the f**k out of this period of imposed mandatory joy.”
Norman Steele, roofer: “Oh, it’s Christmas alright, if by Christmas you mean I’m drinking alone during the day. And has been since September.”
