A MAN attending a reunion of his school class is shocked to see how badly all his former classmates have aged in the last 25 years.
Martin Bishop went along to the Class of 94 event expecting a few charismatic wrinkles and a distinguished touch of grey, such as he sees in the mirror, only to find fat, sagging monsters barely recognisable from their younger selves.
Bishop said: “It was a real shocker. I prepared myself for a small amount of superficial change, like I’ve suffered, but half of them looked ready to pick up their pensions.
“Sarah must have put on ten stone, Adam’s entirely grey, and I was talking to Craig for a good 20 minutes before I clocked who he was. Gone are the days when he’d fit into a boyband. He looks like the sweaty one in a team of auditors.
“Joanna, who was fit as f**k in A-level History, has totally let herself go. I had to end the conversation before it turned to the regret she feels for knocking me back at the disco back then. I could see it welling up in her eyes, poor cow.
“I guess I’m just fortunate to have stayed relatively youthful. My hair’s still as lustrous, I’ve lost none of my zest for life, and I still dress fashionably. I was the only one there who could still pass for being in their 30s.”
Joanna Kramer said: “I got locked into chat with this grey-bearded knobhead who looked like a Rolling Stone they’d discarded for being too wrinkly. Jesus Christ, that was Martin?”
