Society

A COUPLE are expecting far too much from an inconsequential meeting between their oblivious baby and their uninterested friend.

THE extra hour created by the clocks going back will not be put to good use by anyone, it has been confirmed.

A FATHER has angrily denied accurate accounts from multiple family members that he fell asleep during a film.

A WOMAN has invented an entirely new phonetic alphabet over the course of one phone call, it has emerged.

GOT kids? Wondering where all that money you throw at them goes? Learn about the useless tat they piss it away on with this guide.

A CHILD can operate a self-checkout but you’ve messed it up - again. Here’s how much the underpaid staff hate you based on the stupidity of your error.

FIREWORKS are once again being snapped up by the sorts of people least suited to using them.

FEEL like being patronised, terrified or treated like an imbecile for no good reason? Don’t worry, these grating signs can be found in any populated area. 

FAMILIES have infested every part of society and are constantly in your way thanks to half term, it has emerged.

SUELLA Braverman has quizzed the Met as to why they did not treat pro-Palestinian protesters like women, it has emerged.