OUR Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ has told friends he is not really feeling his birthday this year and is probably just going to stay in.
Jesus has sent the Disciples Banter WhatsApp group into a spiral by admitting that while he normally makes a big deal about it, this year he wants to keep it low key.
His friends, who clearly need this more than he does, have floated the idea of doing an escape room or visiting an axe-throwing bar, both of which have been rebuffed by the Son of God.
He said: “I’m just over all the gimmicks. Especially at this time of year, when everywhere’s full of pissed-up pricks on work nights out demanding a selfie.
“Peter suggested we go out for a meal but we couldn’t agree on a place, then nobody’s got a free date, then everywhere’s booked and it’s just more stress than it’s worth. Plus nobody needs the extra strain on their wallet.
“Maybe we’ll do something when it’s quiet in January, go away for a few days or whatever. But December 25th? Sorry, I’m not on board.”
When asked if Jesus’s reluctance to get together with all his mates was due to a previous occasion when going out for a meal did not end well for him, Jesus replied: “I can see why you’d think that, but honestly I just can’t be arsed.”
