Society

THE time of year when the media fills space with round-up of whimsical news stories of the year has come around. But are they actually deeply disturbing conspiracies?

CHRISTMAS songs, all snowfall and merriment, are as realistic as a snowy village where children carol and adults carry armfuls of gaily-wrapped boxes. This is what it’s really like.

A WOMAN is sending Christmas cards with caring, personal handwritten messages to everyone except the worthless shitstains who did not send her cards in 2023.

ATTENDING your child’s nativity play, even though he’s a mere shepherd for the second year running? Distract yourself with fury at these twats.

RESIDENTS of the countryside have confirmed nobody understands their rural ways and therefore any criticism of their actions is automatically invalid.

THE majority of Britain has vowed never to buy a product from a company creating a false air of personability using the tried-and-tested friendly Northern voiceover.

EVERY train in the UK is late and everyone who is late for work has been dismissed by their employer.

ARE you full of the joys of the season, mince pies and festive-themed ales, or are you a vicious miser who deserves a good triple haunting?