Top Deck, and other thrillingly adult products of the 1980s

ANYONE who grew up in the 80s remembers the heady thrill of expecting to get shitfaced on Top Deck shandy. Here are some other childhood favourites that were thrillingly adult.

Things you think are posh, but aren't at all

SOME people think Ferrero Rocher are posh, but they’re the sort of scum who shop in Tesco. Here are some other things that are supposed to be posh, but aren't.

Six wanker tradesmen you have to invite into your home

BOILER buggered? Need extra plug sockets putting in? Chances are the workman who comes over will be an opinionated wanker charging you to listen to his crap.

War, famine, why my wife left me: five things that are the fault of trans women according to newspaper columnists

NEED a convenient scapegoat for everything wrong with society? Why not pin it all on the transgender community, like broadsheet columnists do?

The five worst social occasions to come out at

UNABLE to keep your sexuality a secret any longer? Try to avoid declaring unashamedly to the world who you really are at these.

Doing engineering work at weekends only ruins fun stuff, explain rail operators

RAIL operators have defended their decision to once again mess about with the lines at the weekend because it only ruins fun stuff.

How Rishi Sunak's budget f**ks you over: A breakdown

WHETHER you’re a hard-working family, lazy and single or deservedly retired, yesterday’s spring statement is f**king you right over. Here’s how it breaks down.

Acceptable dad behaviour of the 80s that would be deeply weird now

THE 70s and 80s were a golden age for dads. Here are some of your father’s weird, self-indulgent habits which were somehow considered normal back then.

The bin and other places to send your angry bullshit opinions about Nazanin Zaghari-Ratcliffe

FURIOUS about how ‘ungrateful’ you think Nazanin Zaghari-Ratcliffe is? Send your opinions to these relevant places.

Man isn't worried about petrol prices as he only ever puts a tenner's worth in

AN idiot has told friends he is not concerned about petrol prices going up as he only ever puts a tenner’s worth in anyway.