Five f**king crazy ways schools will celebrate One Britain One Nation day

WONDERING how school kids are meant to express their British pride when they can’t even tie their shoelaces? Here are five weird ways they’ll be made to celebrate this strange day.

The white person's guide to being a dick about your white privilege

A REPORT has suggested that the idea of ‘white privilege’ is holding white children back. This is probably bollocks, but why not get angry about it anyway? Here’s how.

Five things your parents follow with 'not that there's anything wrong with that'

YOUR parents aren’t as backwards or as phobic as you believe. Here are five things they’re totally cool with through gritted teeth.

English woman with Scottish parent convinced it makes her exotic

AN English woman with a single Scottish parent is under the impression that it makes her thrillingly exotic, it has emerged.

Do you rely on British history for your identity or have you got your own personality?

DO you need statues, flags and Empires to be an interesting person or can you do it all by yourself?

Six things to buy and never use

Want to make yourself feel better through mindless consumerism? Here are some items to purchase and forget.

Working long hours for shit wages doesn't make you working class

BRITONS have been informed that mere labouring for long hours in precarious jobs for minimum wage does not entitle them to call themselves ‘working class’.

The seven mums you meet on parenting Facebook

GOT children? Desperate to not be suffering alone? Then you’ve visited a parenting group on Facebook and met these people.

The six twats that love to sit in your train carriage

EVER think that irritating twats deliberately sit in your train carriage? Yeah, they do. Here’s the line-up of rail companions for your next 100 journeys.

Britons pretending to enjoy sun through gritted teeth 

PEOPLE across the UK have miserably begun their annual ritual of pretending to enjoy temperatures above 18 degrees Celsius.