Society

MANKIND faces its greatest crisis ever - cultural climate change, or ‘wokeness’, which threatens to destroy civilisation as we know it. Here’s what we must do to avert catastrophe.

TEENAGERS who have achieved high grades in their A-levels are excited to go to university and rack up tens of thousands of pounds of debt.

IT takes less than three seconds for people to decide if your child is a twat, based only on their name. Beware these inexplicably popular choices.

LANGUAGE evolves all the time. And the way the UK is going, poor people will soon have no need for these words at all.

A SELF-SATISFIED man has displayed his superiority to other tram passengers by standing without holding the pole, it has emerged.

BEEN sucked into one of those pointless arguments about something utterly trivial? Maybe you should learn from well-adjusted people with actual lives, who don’t give a shit.

DO you treat a trip to the cinema as if it’s just another evening in your living room? Perhaps try observing these basic, undemanding rules that a f**king potato could understand.

YOU gave your kid a perfectly good name, so why the unimaginative nickname that makes you sound like you’re off Eastenders? Here are some more to demean your child with.

THE Bibby Stockholm barge is a rudimentary box bobbing about off the Dorset coast. But that doesn’t stop Mail readers from imagining it contains these luxuries.

YOU'VE watched enough courtroom dramas to know what to expect. Or have you? Here’s the expectation of jury service verses the reality.