A COUPLE of top-tier tools have f**ked up royally by giving birth to a baby on Christmas Day, of all the f**king days.
James and Hayley Bates welcomed their first child to the world at 9.22am on Thursday December 25th, 2025, without apparently giving the first thought to what a nightmare they have made their son’s birthday for the rest of his life.
Midwife Joanna Kramer said: “They actually seemed pleased, the idiotic pair of self-centred pricks. They thought it was ‘fun’.
“Fun? Tell that to your poor bastard kid who’ll never get a birthday party. Who’ll get swindled with joint presents. Who even when he turns 18 won’t get to go for birthday drinks with his mates.
“Because you couldn’t stop yourself frenziedly rutting at the end of March, that child’s birthday will always be an afterthought. He’ll be 88 in a care home and won’t get his own cake.
“You’ve ruined a life, and when he’s old enough to understand – my guess is when he’s about six – he’ll hate you for it. Reap what you sow, you cretinous f**ks.”
James Bates said: “We were going to call him Theo, but what with the date we’re thinking Santa might be a wonderful name. He’ll grow to love it.”
