From the ongoing correspondence between David Gedge, lead singer of The Wedding Present, and the prime minister

Dear Gedgey, 

Hope you’re okay me writing, I don’t want to disturb you if you’re recording a new Weddoes album. That has to come first. 

Just wanted to say I’m running the country now – not that it compares to what you do. It is pretty cool. But did you see me in Ukraine playing The Smiths on an acoustic?

They were expecting a dull politician when I hit them with Rusholme Ruffians. Now that’s Manchesterism. You could tell they were into it.

Sucks I has to wear a suit later. Zelensky was in this long-sleeved black top with, like, this understated muted design. Like Clint Boon in the DJ booth at South levels of cool.

Anyway, back home now and we might have to raise taxes. My advisors say the public won’t be happy, but happiness is overrated. What’s wrong with a general aloof miserablism? In my experience girls like it.

But I’m worried. I keep thinking it’s selling out, like when REM signed to a major label which kind of ruined them for me.

Wouldn’t we be better as a lo-fi country? Like the cash might technically improve the NHS, but will we lose the purity of the Peel Session NHS we have now?

I’m only doing this until my band takes off anyway, but I’d appreciate a few pointers from a legend of the scene. You can’t trust anyone from outside Greater Manchester. They’re trendies or, worse, Goths from Leeds.

Okay, get back to me whenever you can. I’ll see you on the Seamonsters 35th anniversary tour in October. I’ll be down the front at Wrexham. In my glasses.

Yours, Andy