Attention-seeking Red Arrows didn't even fight in World War Two

THE centrepiece of the Royal Air Force’s VE Day anniversary celebrations did not even participate in World War Two, it has emerged. 

The Royal Air Force’s aerobatic display team once again hogged attention during a VE Day flypast despite not forming until roughly 20 years after hostilities ceased and being show-off pricks.

Spectator Martin Bishop said: “We didn’t win the war with red, white and blue smoke trails. In any actual theatre of combat that would be a massive liability.

“Try doing formation flying over the Ruhr Valley in 1945 and the Luftwaffe would have made mincemeat of you, no matter how impressive your tornado manoeuvre is. And to be honest I’d be cheering them on.

“This is an affront to the real heroes of the war who did their jobs quietly and with a minimum of barrel rolls. You wouldn’t find a Lancaster bomber looping the loop. But these pushy bastards have squeezed them and their centenarian pilots out of history.

“If the VE Day celebrations featured Concorde or Thunderbird 2 the media would lose their minds, yet somehow these flash bastards are allowed free reign.”

Veteran Norman Steele said: “They’re a national disgrace, just like Captain Tom. I wish Hitler had won so I didn’t have to look at them.”

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World-dominating American movie industry about how great America is not American enough

THE US movie industry, which churns out endless films about America and American values being the greatest, is to be killed for not being American enough. 

President Trump has announced the global propaganda success story which brings in billions of dollars by convincing international audiences the USA is an eternal force for good is to be closed down with tariffs.

Hollywood producer Thom Booker said: “Our movies have foreigners as baddies, America as the best, and Americans triumphing because they’re intrinsically superior. Apparently I could have done more?

“Yes, we don’t always film in California, because audiences have moved past the Lone Ranger popping up behind scrubby hills in Orange County because it’s a short drive away.

“But come on. Top Gun: Maverick? Barbie? Avengers: Endgame, where Captain America’s patriotism gives him the power of a God to save the entire universe? All it was missing was a post-credits scene where Thanos sucks his dick and loves it.

“First Wall Street, now Hollywood. Is there any extension of our power this asshole won’t tear down? Is he going to demand all our dollars be returned to the country? Oh f**k, he is.”

Production of multiple films including America Wins, The President Saves The Hostages, Don’t You Wish You Were American? and Untitled Mark Wahlberg Ass-Kicking Movie has now been suspended, with the gap to be filled by Iranian cinema.