Ha ha ha you had a shit Christmas, says posh girl

A POSH girl finds it absolutely hilarious that you had a shit lonely Christmas last year while she and all her mates had a big party.

The coke snorters are your f**king voters, Tories told

MIDDLE-AGED middle-class affluent recreational class A drug users are your f**king voter base, they have explained to the prime minister.

All back to Chequers for the piss-up of the year, roars Johnson

THE prime minister has promised that his weekend residence will be open to the general public for a mass UK Christmas piss-up in December.

Sajid Javid's guide to snogging girls

SAJID Javid has said Britons should ‘snog who they wish’ under the mistletoe this Christmas. Here the health secretary explains how he’s snogged loads of girls, honest.

What you were doing vs. what Downing Street was doing last Christmas: A timeline

LAST Christmas, while you stayed indoors, the Downing Street spads were having it large. Here’s what you did and they did laid out in a simple timeline: 

Priti Patel's lifetime of being disinvited to things

BEING disinvited by France is the latest in a long line of snubs for Priti Patel. Here is everything the Home Secretary has been turned away from during her life so far.

Now is not the time for Priti Patel

THE public has united in the face of the Channel tragedy by agreeing that now is not the time for Priti Patel to be saying anything at all. 

How to wriggle out of criticism by calling it misogyny, by Nadine Dorries

I CAN get away with loads of stupid shit by calling any man who legitimately criticises me a misogynist. Here’s how I go about it:

'The prime minister is not on crystal meth, not confused about which country he lives in and was not in the rose garden with his cock out at 3am'

AFTER issuing a categorical denial that Boris Johnson is unwell and losing his grip, a Downing Street spokesman has issued a further, more specific denial.

It's only the racism keeping me voting Tory, admits 77-year-old

AN elderly woman who will lose her house under new plans for social care said she only  keeps voting Conservative because of their long-standing commitment to racism.