How to take a wild guess at what the f**k 'levelling up' means for your town

WONDERING what the f**k 'levelling up' means for your town? The government won't explain, so here's how to take a wild guess.

Why peace in Northern Ireland is a bad thing, by Liz Truss

THE Northern Ireland Protocol has helped protect decades of peace in the province. Let me, Liz Truss, explain why that is a bad thing.

91,000 civil servants 'probably not doing anything' to be fired

THE government has decided to fire 91,000 civil servants who it assumes are completely dispensable layabouts.

Five humiliating TikTok trends Boris Johnson will jump on for votes

DOWNING Street has set up a TikTok account for the Prime Minister. So which pathetic trends will he be following in an attempt to be popular?

Six laughably pathetic Tory ideas to solve the cost-of-living crisis

THE government could not be less interested in the cost-of-living crisis. But people keep asking about it, so MP Martin Bishop has some ideas.

A boring korma and a San Miguel for Starmer: What politicians' curry orders say about them

IT’S entirely plausible that a dull, play-it-safe type like Keir Starmer would order a chicken korma. Curry aficionado Wayne Hayes explains what politicians’ choices say about them.

Starmer's pretense of principle proves him a duplicitous double-dealer who, wait, I’m f**king lost here, by a right-wing columnist

KEIR Stamer’s latest underhand move proves he is playing petty politics with police lives and hang on, I’m out of my f**king depth here.

Please notice me, by Sir Keir Starmer

NOTICE me. Please notice me. Have you noticed me yet? Do I have to take some kind of principled idiotic stand or something?

A day in the busy life of the Minister for Brexit Opportunities

The first to present me with a gilt-edged Brexit opportunity will in turn be presented with this shiny sovereign. Now, to work!

Tearful Starmer confesses to second beer

A CONTRITE, tearful Keir Starmer has confessed that his first Beergate beer tasted so good he opened a second without thought for the consequences.