Politics

Corbyn supporter sure he can still win the next election

A SUPPORTER of Jeremy Corbyn firmly believes he can bounce back from losing the 2019 election, resigning as leader and being suspended from the party yesterday. 

Priti Patel's guide to having people over

HELLO, it’s Priti Patel. When I'm not threatening asylum seekers and eroding human rights, I like to have guests over just as much as the next person. Here’s how to do it.

60-day masturbation ban to boost economy

THE government is considering imposing a 60-day masturbation ban across the UK to encourage everyone to spend money instead. 

Tories sure they won't regret whole day spent voting for evil

THE Conservatives are confident that an entire day spent voting to deprive the poor of food and money will not rebound on them in any way. 

Dominic Cummings' guide to not paying council tax like the little people

ARE you rich and powerful but still don’t want to pay for your bins to be collected? Here Dominic Cummings explains how to get out of it.

Sunak fans worried he might be a Tory

FANS of ‘Dishy Rishi' Sunak are beginning to wonder if their hero harbours Conservative sympathies.

Sturgeon planning to catapult infected Scots into England

SCOTTISH people infected with Covid-19 will be catapulted into England to help reduce the country’s number of daily cases, Nicola Sturgeon has confirmed.

Trump optimistic after massive injection of bleach

DONALD Trump is being injected with a litre of bleach which will cure his Coronavirus.  

Priti Patel's latest insane ideas horrible voters will love

PRITI Patel has been criticised for a plan to put asylum seekers on Ascension Island. Here she sets out some more ideas to appeal to mad and vindictive voters. 

How to hold a socially distanced cocaine party, by Michael Gove

JUST because the world is in the grip of an accelerating pandemic doesn’t mean you can't have friends over to snort a little sherbert. Just follow these rules: