Proposing marriage, and other activities ruined by woke Marxist Black Lives Matter knee-taking

YOU can’t tie a shoelace these days without accidentally backing the destruction of capitalism. Retired headmistress Margaret Gerving details the other knee-based activities it’s ruined.

Restrictions to end Monday because I like announcing it, says Johnson

ALL Covid restrictions will be lifted next Monday because it is ‘a fun thing to say and it makes me feel good’, Boris Johnson has confirmed.

What is gesture politics and what isn't: Priti Patel explains

I’VE been in politics long enough to know what’s important and what’s a mere gesture by deluded millionaire Marxists who should stick to football. Let me explain.

How to learn to live with the Conservative party

DESPITE recent defeats in by-elections, the Conservative party isn’t going to magically disappear anytime soon. Here’s how to live with this deadly strain of politics.

Nine reasons why Boris Johnson has decided to gamble with all our lives

THE prime minister has decided to take a massive gamble with Britain’s health by ending all restrictions as cases are soaring. But why?

Ten trivial things that should be part of the culture wars, by a twat

REPLACING GB stickers on cars with UK is the latest thing culture war dickheads are up in arms about. Roy Hobbs suggests more minor issues to be outraged by.

Michael Gove's guide to getting back in the game

REGRETTABLY and for no apparent reason, I have split up with my wife Sarah Vine. So here’s how I plan to get back in the dating game and take a beauty home every night.

Batley and Spen voters can blow me, says Johnson

THE prime minister has announced that the electorate of Batley and Spen can orally pleasure him after last night’s by-election result. 

Everything you need to know about the Batley and Spen by-election shitshow

CONFUSED about why the Batley and Spen by-election is so controversial and why there are so many wankers involved? Read our Q&A.

Brexit completely justified by last night's result

A BREXITER hopes to hear no more foolishness about the wisdom of leaving the EU after last night’s England game.