Being sacked is a lifestyle choice, Braverman told

THE former home secretary has been told that being fired is a lifestyle choice that she has knowingly made.

Fine, I'll bring back Patel if that's what you all want, says Sunak

THE prime minister has decided to bring back former Home Secretary Priti Patel because that is clearly what you are all clamouring for.

Braverman's right, we f**king love lefties, Met Police admits

THE Met Police has admitted it has an institutional bias towards left-wing marches because it just loves those crazy guys.

Unelected man in power gives speech on behalf of unelected man in power

A MAN who got his job by birthright is giving a speech on behalf of a man who won a contest by default.`

Boris didn't have gold wallpaper or go to any parties: an exclusive from Boris Johnson's talking arsehole

DEPOSED prime minister Boris Johnson never hung gold wallpaper and did not attend a single party, according to that same prime minister’s miraculous talking arsehole.

Six national crises perfect for Boris Johnson's f**king useless skillset

A DOWNING street staffer has told the Covid inquiry the ex-prime minister had the wrong ‘skill set’ to deal with Covid. So what type of crisis would he be capable of dealing with?

'It's when, not if' Johnson admits about I'm A Celebrity

BORIS Johnson has confirmed that it is only a matter of time until he appears on I’m A Celebrity choking down crocodile dicks.

When to keep your dick in your pants: A guide for Tory MPs

WANT to avoid a similar fate as Peter Bone and Crispin Blunt? Follow this handy guide for when you should keep your dick in your pants.

Starmer: I am proud to be the face of apathetic change

KEIR Starmer has quietly and modestly accepted his position as the poster boy of indifferent, apathetic change.

Go on, elect a new leader, we all need a laugh, Britain tells Tories

BRITAIN is seeking to convince the Conservative party their by-election losses mean they need a new leader, just to see what freak they get this time.