I wouldn't vote for me, by Boris Johnson

REMEMBER that bloke who became Tory leader in 2019? He was great. I’d vote for him, and millions of you did. Would I vote for what I’ve become? Not likely.

How to rip a dickhead a new arsehole, by Susanna Reid

WANT to hold arseholes to account? No-nonsense Good Morning Britain presenter Susanna Reid shows you how.

Driving to Barnard Castle not the most bullshit excuse you’ve ever heard anymore

DRIVING to Barnard Castle has been overtaken by looking up tractors and being ambushed by porn as the worst excuse you have ever heard.

Starmer and Rayner are definitely doing it, by an anonymous Tory source

THAT Keir Starmer? And that Angela Rayner? At it like knives. Well they must be, it’s the only explanation that makes any sense. Let me walk you through it:

Hardcore nanny spanking, and other types of porn enjoyed by Tory MPs

ARE you a Tory MP who loves porn so much you watch it in the House of Commons? You’ll enjoy these particular genres…

Isn't it long past time vaginas were banned? By Sarah Vine

HARDWORKING, decent men like Boris Johnson are easy prey for any woman with a vagina, as Angela Rayner’s slutty behaviour has proved. A word of sisterly advice, Ang, you’re no Sharon Stone, Michael Douglas more like it.

Tories strangely less popular when media not fellating them 24/7

BORIS Johnson and Rishi Sunak’s plunging popularity could be the result of the media not endlessly sucking their dicks, experts have agreed.

Six government disasters that are entirely the fault of Angela Rayner's fanny

THIS government has lurched from crisis to crisis, all because they were distracted by red-headed Labour deputy leader Angela Rayner crossing her legs.

Co-worker leaves 'while you were out' turd on Jacob Rees-Mogg’s desk

A CIVIL service co-worker has visited Jacob Rees-Mogg’s desk while he was absent and left him a little message.

Tory MP 'not yet ready' to put down loveable bouncy Labrador that shits everywhere

A CONSERVATIVE MP has admitted he is delaying the inevitable trip to have Boris, his much-loved golden Labrador that shits everywhere, put down.