Politics

How I would defeat Doctor Who who I believe to be real, by Kemi Badenoch

IGNORE the Marxist BBC propaganda. Doctor Who is a real person who does not subscribe to British values, threatening to reverse time and Brexit. I will defeat him.

Thatcher would have loved this needlessly cruel, divisive gesture, says Starmer

KEIR Starmer has defended his controversial and petty decision to remove Margaret Thatcher’s portrait by saying it is exactly what she would have wanted.

You will be long dead and the sun will explode but then things will get better, promises Starmer

THE prime minister has reassured the public that Britain will be back on track in around five billion years when the sun has become a red giant.

Britain has been naughty, and I've got the austerity strap-on. By Rachel Reeves

YOU love a bit of austerity, don’t you? That’s what you voted for and now you’re going to get it - good and hard. No lube.

Which side will you be on in the civil war that won't happen? A quiz

THE UK is not about to erupt into civil war, but if it did which side would you be on? Find out with this quiz.

'Have you tried going to a dentist?': Classist things you couldn’t help thinking during the riots

AS a good liberal you know you shouldn’t pass judgement on people whose lives you don’t really understand. Sadly you couldn't stop these thoughts popping into your head.