British nuclear power plants: can we not just get Aldi to build them?

THE government has pledged £14.2bn of its own money to build a new nuclear power plant. What happened to just getting Aldi or whoever to build them? 

Because yes, this country needs to replace its decaying infrastructure, but why should that be our job? Can’t we just get some multinational corporation that doesn’t give a shit and is immune to lawsuits to do it for us?

What happened to China building a nuclear power plant? They still are? Why aren’t they building this one, then? Sure, there’s a risk because they’re a hostile foreign power, but if the alternative is doing it ourselves then no thanks.

If this country has been build on anything these past few decades, it’s overseas investment. We sell it, they buy it, building reservoirs or whatever is their problem. Largely they don’t, but at least the decision’s out of our hands.

Do we really want to return to the dark days of large-scale public works done by the state, like this was the 1950s? Thousands of British workers employed by the British state building British infrastructure for British people? Urgh. No thanks.

I don’t give a bugger who does the job. It could be Aldi, it could be Red Bull, it could be the Sinaloa Cartel for all I care. If they’re willing to give us a cheap quote many times lower than the final bill will be when they finish the job six years late, that’s enough for me.

French-state owned EDF are still involved in this one and expect hefty profits? Excellent. But I see we plan to use British Rolls Royce reactors, and that makes me edgy.

Why can’t we get a reputable foreign provider in to build reactors that could irradiate half our country if they go wrong? Do Tesla make reactors? They’re a name you can trust.

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Woman 'not like other girls' under impression no other girls say that

A WOMAN who stresses to men that she is ‘not like other girls’ would be surprised to learn that other girls just like her also say that. 

Sophie Rodriguez, aged 23, is attempting to woo 25-year-old Jordan Gardner by convincing him how different she is from any other girl who might claim to be devastatingly original and different.

She continued: “A girl, deliberately eschewing the convention that she is similar to others of her sex? Bet you’ve not heard that before.

“I’m not one of those weepy types who wears long gowns and wants you at home all the time, talking of journalling and lip gloss. I’m a bold outdoorsy type who rode horses as a kid. No other teenage girl has ever been into horses.

“I like tarot cards, I work in PR, and I’m so chill that I don’t mind you hanging out with other girls once I’ve seen a recent photo. I’ll even watch a football match if England are playing and it’s on in the room I’m in.

“What can I say? I grew up with brothers and it made me into a sexy tomboy unconfined by the strictures of conventional bourgeois society. I break wind and find it hilarious.”

Gardner said: “She talks a good game. But we’re having this conversation over a prosecco brunch she’s already posted on Instagram.”