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'What did you think Reform stood for?' Zia Yusuf asked

REFORM chairman Zia Yusuf has been asked what on earth he thought Reform represented after resigning over a proposed burqa ban.

A confused British public has asked Yusuf if he was aware he was the chairman of Reform UK and not a different party without a total fixation on getting rid of immigrants.

Martin Bishop from Basingstoke said: “Did you sincerely believe all of Farage’s guff about returning the country to some mythical former glory? Oh buddy.

“Hate to be the one to break it to you, but that’s all bollocks. Reform’s nothing but the grift of a shyster who already got everything he wanted in 2016. All its ‘common sense’ policies are just pipe dreams made to appeal to people who would want to deport you.”

Donna Sheridan from Leeds said: “Didn’t you sense something was off when all the other members looked at you in open-mouthed horror and backed away in fear? At least I assume that happened.

“Reform isn’t the party of unbridled tolerance, interracial harmony and free puppies for every child under five. Surely you knew that? Look, I’ll write it down so that you don’t make the same mistake again.”

Yusuf said: “I was bored and rich and Reform offered me a sniff of power. It’s as simple as that.”

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World's richest man and world's most powerful man in flaccid willy fight

THE world’s richest man and the world’s most powerful man yesterday extracted their limp willies from their flies and proceeded to slap them at each other.

The men, neither of whom is able to achieve an erection by conventional means, first revealed their penises to each other in an attempt to overawe the other, and when that failed commenced to fighting.

Bystander Joanna Kramer said: “The older one began brandishing it as a weapon initially. He seemed to genuinely feel it would intimidate.

“Then the nerd one fished his out – shockingly white, reminiscent of maggots – and raised it as much as he could, shouting ‘Become my blade once more!’. Then adding ‘That’s from Elden Ring, I hundred percented it.’

“After that, it was on. By which I mean two unfit men grasped their wilted willies in their hands and swiped them at each other, rarely making contact. I closed my eyes but even the sound made me heave.

“The nerd said the old guy had a ‘paedo willy’ to which he shouted ‘I’ll cut your willy off! I’ll pull its funding!’ Then I think the nerd said his willy could fly into space? I greyed out several times, for my own sanity.

“Anyway, the older one’s now under an underage sex trafficking cloud and the other one lost $150 billion overnight. Nobody wins when the willies come out.”

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