TERRIFIED of a Reform wipeout in local elections, Labour is steeling itself to be as racist as it can. But what do actual right-wing voters think? Roy Hobbs gives his verdict:
Fixing potholes
I despair, like most voters, at why Britain can’t fix a mundane issue like potholes. Starmer has promised to definitely sort it out, so I’m not going to vote for him because all I care about is immigration due to my existing prejudices. That’s your fault, Keir.
Foreign criminal league table
I’m less excited about this than you’d expect, because it leaves out foreigners who haven’t committed any crimes but should also be deported. I don’t understand the league table format, either. Do the bottom criminals get relegated like Leicester? Do the top ones get a trophy and the chance to date Helen Flanagan? If you ask me that’s encouraging them.
Breakfast clubs in schools
We’ve had these since the 80s, I saw the film. And I’m not in favour of this modest and seemingly universally popular proposal, because it means freeloading benefits scum have more money to spend on white cider and iPhones and cider while I pay to stuff their ratboys with Rice Krispies.
Biological women
Starmer says he supports the biological women ruling. I think he’s a liar who wants drag queens prancing around ladies’ toilets waving their big, veiny dongers at terrified women. Because I believe things that make me pleasantly angry and give me a sanctimonious feeling of victimhood. Shouldn’t have crossed intellectual swords with a Reform voter, eh, Sir Keir?
Saving British Steel
I get a warm glow of national pride when I think of Argies being bayoneted with good-quality British steel, but you have to accept we live in an age of globalisation. Also it’s hard to feel too emotional about huge industrial sheets of metal. For example, I don’t give a f**k about British zinc.
Pretending Britain is a Christian nation
I liked Labour MP Mike Tapp’s Easter video claiming we’re a Christian nation. We are, except church is pis-boring and no-one waits until marriage to have sex. He’s using ‘Christian’ in the correct right-wing sense, though: effectively atheist but not Muslim. But I still wouldn’t vote for him though because he’s a smarmy bastard.
Pubs opening late on VE Day
If you suffered unimaginable horrors of war like having limbs shredded by grapeshot at Waterloo, being disfigured in a burning Spitfire or dying on the Burma railway, you’d be comforted by Britons getting a few more beers in before staggering off for a kebab. Labour backs this but without wearing Union Jack socks, so in my view insincerely.
ID cards
Anything identifying the illegals is good by me, but the system will be abused to give ID cards to immigrants who were born here. In my book you’re only properly British if your ancestors were here before 1066. Send the Frankish peoples back, and if that isn’t on the manifesto for the Skirbeck local council election I’m backing Reform.
