GOT a website with internationally-known and instantly recognisable branding? Here visionary tech bro Elon Musk explains how to f**k it up for no reason.
Choose a sinister new name
Has your brand got a fun and friendly name that also works as a description of the service it offers? Screw that. Ditch it and choose a faceless, menacing one that sounds like the kind of thing a 13-year-old boy would choose for an evil villain in a sci-fi story he’s writing. Pretty cool, huh? Maybe I’ll change my name to it too. X Musk. Awesome.
Remove the friendly logo
Everyone likes birds right? They’re cute and fun, cartoon ones anyway. Well, not me. I could crush birds with my bare hands if I wanted to. I don’t want anyone to think X is a nice place where you can have a pleasant chat. I want them to think it’s a polarised hellhole full of bellends with too much time on their hands abusing each other. Well, I’m not wrong, am I?
Change the logo but not the web address
People like things that are cohesive and easy to understand, but that’s because they’re simpletons. I, on the other hand, am a genius, which is why I have renamed my website and put the new logo on it, while not changing the web address. This means it’s called two different things and looks like shit. But you just don’t understand my vision, because you’re an idiot.
Don’t tell anyone it’s happening
Brand trust is incredibly important when it comes to retaining customers. But who cares about that shit when you’re a billionaire who builds space rockets as a hobby? I changed my brand overnight without making an announcement for a laugh. People were furious but they won’t leave X, because they’re addicted to being horrible pricks to each other.
Hammer it home with a dickish stunt
When you’ve pissed off lots of people online with your sudden rebrand, why not piss some off in real life too? I put a giant, incredibly bright, strobing and pulsing sign in the shape of an X on top of our headquarters in San Francisco. It stopped people sleeping and generally got on their tits. Do I care? Do I f**k. I’m disgustingly rich. Well, until everyone realises I am incredibly shit at everything and it’s all pretend share value money.