Business

EVERY big company in the UK has a wanky slogan, even the laughably useless privatised utilities and the downright evil Post Office. Here are some suggestions for updating them.

FORMER Post Office chief Paula Vennells will charge an eye-watering sum for returning her CBE by post, it has emerged.

YOUNG people all over the country are baffled after receiving small rectangles of paper for Christmas.

HUGE online discounts on books, clothes and electrical goods are the true meaning of Boxing Day, it has been confirmed.

A SUCCESSFUL entrepreneur has confessed that she neither has a working-class background or is prepared to make one up.

WANDERED into a curious little shop only to realise it sells nothing worth buying, you’re alone and the proprietor is staring at you? Here’s how to politely free yourself.

THE government has confirmed that it will make it impossible to travel between the north and south of the UK by totally f**king up the railways.

THE proprietor of a struggling American candy business only wishes money-laundering criminal syndicates were interested in his business.

WHEN staying alone in a hotel, a man powering through a five-figure deal must seize the opportunity for the breakfast of champions. Coco Pops.

A THIRD of 18 to 34-year-olds have been inappropriately texted by staff at takeaways or delivering parcels. Here’s a handy checklist to read before sending customers a picture of your cock.