Travelodge replaces 'Do Not Disturb' signs with 'Caution, Sad Businessman Wanking'

DISCOUNT hotel chain Travelodge has swapped its ‘Do Not Disturb’ signs for ones warning that the room’s lone occupant is mid-wank.

'Supposedly hard Northerners can't handle a few cancelled trains?' sneers TransPennine Express

BOSSES at TransPennine Express thought it would take more than a few cancellations to trigger Northerners, who have turned out to be soft as shite, they have revealed.

They sell craft beer: How to convince yourself Wetherspoons is fine now

WETHERSPOONS is reporting record profits after attracting customers struggling with the cost of living. Here’s how to convince yourself it’s a great place to drink.

We will keep telling you our nauseating brand story until you buy something, companies warn

BUSINESSES have announced plans to keep communicating their ‘brand stories’ until the public cracks and buys a product.

'Accept that you are poorer' says mugger

A MUGGER has told his victim that he simply needs to accept that he is poorer rather than furthering an inflationary spiral.

Real business of meeting completed in the last fifteen seconds

ATTENDEES at a business meeting have confirmed all the actual decisions were made in the final fifteen seconds before everyone stood up to leave.

Don't get too attached to your house, warn banks

BANKS have advised you, in the light of the ongoing banking crisis, not to get too comfortable in your house because they may need it back.

Five inventions you came up with on the loo that would net you millions on Dragon's Den

ONCE again you’re astride the porcelain facing five imaginary millionaires desperate to invest in the game-changing ideas you come up with mid-dump, like these.

'Why can't you just be happy for us?' ask energy firms

ENERGY firms raking in billions of pounds of profit are at a loss as to why nobody is congratulating them.

SPONSORED FEATURE: Why you should have a pre-payment meter if you f**king know what's good for you, by British Gas

TIRED of wrestling with your less-expensive direct debit? Why not upgrade to a pre-payment meter we’ll even install for you? Don’t make us ask twice. You’ll regret it.