Business

How to endure a Zoom call with a terrible f**king connection

THE only thing worse than a meeting is a Zoom meeting with a f**cking bad connection. Here’s how to endure your next one.

You can stuff your stupid airline up your arse, taxpayers tell Branson

BRITISH taxpayers have suggested the grinning billionaire who sued the NHS while hoovering up rail subsidies can stick his airline right up his arse.

The right-winger's guide to why we should all die to help the economy

RIGHT-WING and a firm believer in the magical power of the free market? Not fussed about mass death?

WH Smith confirms it will survive everything like retail version of cockroach

NEWSAGENT WH Smith has confirmed that coronavirus cannot affect it because it is indestructible.

Expensive, pointless railway line more important than ever, says government

SPENDING £110 billion on HS2 to help people move around the country faster is just what this pandemic needs, the government has confirmed.

Aldi limiting customers to one fluorescent ski-suit or two water-resistant cuckoo clocks per person

BUDGET supermarket Aldi is restricting shoppers to one fluorescent all-in-one ski suit per person, and no more than two waterproof cuckoo clocks.

The more essential your work the less you get paid, them's the rules, says capitalism

CAPITALISM has confirmed that the more vital to society your work is, the less you therefore earn.

Lobster mac 'n' cheese, and what else to expect in your M&S essential food box

MIDDLE-CLASS grocer Marks & Spencer are launching an essential food delivery box for £35 plus delivery. These items should keep your household a cut above.

Shelf-stacker going to work with picture of sweetheart in his pocket

A 19-YEAR-OLD Lidl employee is keeping a photo in his pocket of the sweetheart he will marry when this madness is over.

Your inexplicable and unnecessary coronavirus email from the Daily Mash

EIGHT years ago you gave us your email address, so like every other business you’ve ever interacted with we’re sending a baffling and pointless coronavirus email.