Business

BOSSES at TransPennine Express thought it would take more than a few cancellations to trigger Northerners, who have turned out to be soft as shite, they have revealed.

WETHERSPOONS is reporting record profits after attracting customers struggling with the cost of living. Here’s how to convince yourself it’s a great place to drink.

BUSINESSES have announced plans to keep communicating their ‘brand stories’ until the public cracks and buys a product.

A MUGGER has told his victim that he simply needs to accept that he is poorer rather than furthering an inflationary spiral.

ATTENDEES at a business meeting have confirmed all the actual decisions were made in the final fifteen seconds before everyone stood up to leave.

BANKS have advised you, in the light of the ongoing banking crisis, not to get too comfortable in your house because they may need it back.

ONCE again you’re astride the porcelain facing five imaginary millionaires desperate to invest in the game-changing ideas you come up with mid-dump, like these.

ENERGY firms raking in billions of pounds of profit are at a loss as to why nobody is congratulating them.

TIRED of wrestling with your less-expensive direct debit? Why not upgrade to a pre-payment meter we’ll even install for you? Don’t make us ask twice. You’ll regret it.

OIL and gas giant Shell has thanked you for your invaluable contribution to its record profits of £32.2 billion.