OASIS have reassured fans there will be nothing new or unfamiliar on a brand new album of all unoriginal material. 

The band have confirmed their upcoming tour will be supported by a new album packed with songs that fans will be sure they have heard before even if, on investigation, it appears they have not. 

A spokesman for the Gallagher brothers said: “They’re not just plagiarising the Beatles and the Stones this time. They’re plagiarising Oasis plagiarising the Beatles and the Stones. 

“Noel is on his A-game here, stealing a snippet from here and a bar from there and bodging them together into a derivative, unmemorable whole. And Liam’s bringing the charisma that’s left you unable to name a single track from his four solo albums.

“Whole songs will go past while you struggle to place exactly what it reminds you of, before concluding it’s one of the shitter ones from Be Here Now. You’ll listen to the whole album and not even be sure you heard it.” 

Fan Wayne Hayes said: “So the same as any other group their age but not even pretending? Classic Oasis.”