WEIGHT-loss drugs also cut the risk of strokes and heart attacks in a massive blow to the innate superiority of twats who spend their lives at the gym.
The entire class of drugs known as GLP-1 agonists, currently being sneered at by a billionaire heath industry absolutely shitting itself, could halve deaths from heart disease without requiring anyone to be pious in Lycra.
Health freak Joseph Turner, aged 46, said: “You f**king what? I’ve spent half my life on a pissing treadmill and then everyone’s getting the same results from an injection?
“Why not make it in pill form, so fat lazy bastards can wash it down with a lager after the takeaway curry they eat in front of the telly while I run past their windows, knackered?
“I think we can agree science has gone too far when it’s saving lives without suffering. These jabs should only be allowed if you’ve got 36 consecutive months of gym attendance and have done at least two triathlons.”
52-year-old Nathan Muir, who has spent his life drinking, smoking and eating whatever he likes, said: “Well well well. Looks like betting my life on science coming up with something before it’s too late has paid off.
“This calls for a celebratory gram of coke. Doesn’t say specifically Ozempic fixes the effects of that, but I’m feeling lucky.”
