NIGEL Farage has reached the inevitable stage every cult leader does by demanding that Britain f**k for him. Will you answer the call? 

Julian Cook, currency trader: “As a high earner, tax breaks already made me bolt-hard. Now I’ve got a use for that erection.”

Fran Johnson, nurse: “Only if you’re married, though. It’s good he’s bringing back the proper stigma for bastardry that made Westeros what it is today.

Susan Traherne, dog groomer: “They should make a big Breed For Nigel poster with his face on it, and I’ll put up in my whore of a daughter’s bedroom to encourage her to ditch the condoms.”

Wayne Hayes, shoplifter: “It’s just winning policy after winning policy, time after time. That’s what happens when you’re the only politician with the courage to lift ideas from Hitler.”

Lucy Parry, student: “Look who’s just bunged Boris Johnson a nice little backhander…”