Work

A TEENAGER bragging that he is basically being paid to check out some cool bands is about to enter his own personal hell.

A TEACHER recognised by his pupils as ‘cool’ is actually a 28-year-old man desperate to be popular with children, it has emerged.

A MAN has brightened after realising that, despite his having masturbated already today, a second go is a distinct possibility.

EVEN the stupid need jobs, and they’re prepared to overlook the long-term consequences entirely if offered enough. Hence these employment opportunities:

BRITONS are thinking about what they would be doing in the sun if they were not basically historical slaves but with computers.

LINKEDIN has confirmed those searching your name on the professional networking site are not doing so to see your recent work activities but for rampant, gleeful self-abuse.

GETTING a group of co-workers to mesh can be a challenge, but you don’t need to waste money on wanky team-building events. Simply appeal to their basest instincts, like this...

AN office worker is struggling to remember how to look busy while accomplishing nothing after four days of total leisure.

‘YOU’RE fired’ is so harsh and Trumpian. A caring workplace focused on your wellbeing will use these euphemisms to soften the blow.

A WOMAN given a new role and job title is unsure whether she is being recognised for her outstanding work or treated like a prize twat.