Work

A LIFEGUARD at a public swimming pool senses that the time may have finally come for him to perform an action that is neither sitting, standing or walking.

A TEENAGER is shattered after a full day of imagining what a full day at work would be like.

A TEENAGER in her first job was shocked to be remunerated for her efforts, having assumed it was part of a grand scheme to make her life miserable.

YOUR lunch break is a golden hour of freedom from a long day as a corporate drone, except when the wankers you work with take it from you.

A WOMAN has decided to have children so she can breeze in and out of work whenever she wants, no questions asked.

A THIRD of the UK’s homeworkers plan to do their jobs from a rain-lashed beach during severe gales in Britain this summer.

EVERY employee in Britain is whistling and smiling until their thunder-faced bosses stalk past, it has emerged.

A MAN working a standard nine-to-five office job is finding it almost impossible to find the right ratio of working to doing f**k all.

A BUILDER working on a couple’s loft conversion has surpassed their expectations of him being an uncultured, bigoted wanker with zero professionalism.