Work

You pissed about on your phone a lot: an honest end-of-year performance review

IT’S time for your annual performance review and your boss can’t be arsed lying. Here are the facts.

Man listing hobbies on CV like it's a dating app

A MAN applying for jobs has listed his hobbies on his CV as if any prospective employer would give a shit that he enjoys ‘foreign cinema’.

Five cliches that never actually happen at office Christmas parties

OFFICE Christmas parties are mundane procedures devoid of fun, famous for debauched antics that never, ever happen in real life.

What to do when you're caught doing nothing at work

WORK is dull, so you’re fated to spend time during the working day treading life’s water. Here’s what to do when caught.

Work colleagues having extremely f**king obvious affair

A PAIR of colleagues who believe they are engaged in a secret affair could not be more wrong, workmates have confirmed.

'Who are you?' and other truthful messages for office leaving cards

OFFICE leaving cards are a cruel sea of lies and mistruths. Here’s what would be written if they weren’t sparing your feelings.

Enthusiastic on Mondays, and other signs you're the worst colleague

DO your workmates absolutely despise you? This is why.

How is the new office trainee getting on your tits?

THERE'S a new kid on the block at work and he’s driving you round the f**king pipe. Here’s what the obsequious little twat is up to.

Lock up these thieving public sector workers, by a brainwashed tabloid reader

WHAT a surprise. Public sector workers are getting another bumper payout in the budget. I say it’s time to call them what they are - lazy thieving scum, and punish them accordingly.

'Work harder', and other brilliant advice from a new manager brought in to shake things up

Good morning, team. It’s time to touch base with me, Nikki Hollis, your new manager. Here's my plan for overhauling this company and getting on your tits.