Work

Are you being allowed to work from home because you're a twat?

STAFF are being encouraged to work from home, even though many are still in the office. Have you been sent home for your own safety or do your colleagues hate you?

How to fill your social media with bullshit about your job

NO-ONE wants to hear about your job, but you’ve got nothing else in your life so here’s how to wank on about it anyway.

Six jobs you wanted to do when you grew up, and how things turned out

YOU had big dreams back at primary school. Vet, Chelsea striker, palaeontologist: which would you be? Let’s see how that worked out.

Five side-hustles that will make you an extra 35p a year

LOOKING to earn extra cash? These side-hustles will take up all of your spare time and earn you a negligible amount of money.

Giving 150 per cent, and other claims try-hard twats like to make

SARAH Vine has said Boris Johnson was working ’24 hours a day, seven days a week’, which is impossible or he’d be dead. Here are more bullshit claims people make.

Six Guardian masterclasses for the deluded ponce

TEMPTED to follow your dreams by signing up for a Guardian masterclass? These picks will suit the poncey twat you hope to become.

Six bloody confusing things about working in an office, by Prince Harry

WELL, I’ve gone and got a proper job. Sort of. But no one warned me working in an office would be such a minefield.

Detailed cat doodle on Post-it note biggest achievement of woman's working day

THE sole accomplishment of an office worker’s day of faffing about working from home was a quite detailed drawing of her cat.

Six email phrases to bring all work to a grinding halt

CONCERNED you may be accomplishing too much at work? Try these ways to make every email utterly gear-jamming while remaining beyond reproach.

Five trendy career changes for tiresome twats

ARE you a tiresome individual determined to follow your pretentious dreams? Read our guide to your next bullshit career move.