A WORK colleague has silenced the office with self-deprecating jokes about his lonely, miserable life that are far too close to the truth.
Stephen Malley, aged 46, who lives alone but for a bearded dragon, makes himself the target of jokes he intends to be be ironic but which everyone is well aware are accurate.
He said: “What did I do this weekend? Sat in my boxers watching PornHub because my girlfriend left me for a mate that I introduced her to. Pathetic, right?
“Don’t worry, I always seek out actors who look like her so I can relive when my life had meaning! Does that makes me a piece of shit, or someone with no dignity? Ding ding ding, both are correct!
“I was going to see my grandmother, try and con her out of a bit of her pension, but she cancelled because I’m her ‘worst disappointment’. Still, nature over nurture, my cousin’s a successful heart surgeon!”
Junior colleague Jack Browne said: “I laughed at first. Then I found out it was all true. Now I pretend to laugh to hide that it makes me want to cry.
“I considered writing an email to HR but what would I say? ‘Stephen’s life is so depressing it’s damaging my productivity’? Actually I might write that.”