Work

Charm of child on Zoom call rapidly dissipating

THE novelty of a toddler interrupting a professional Zoom call is waning fast, all participants confirmed.

How to get someone to f**k off away from your desk and let you work

THE key office skillset is not implementing core competencies or working the printer. It’s persuading twats to piss off back to their twat desks with twat bobbleheads on.

'Yeah, it'll be chill' says teenager about to work three 16-hour shifts at festival

A TEENAGER bragging that he is basically being paid to check out some cool bands is about to enter his own personal hell.

'Cool' teacher actually fully grown adult seeking approval of 15-year-olds

A TEACHER recognised by his pupils as ‘cool’ is actually a 28-year-old man desperate to be popular with children, it has emerged.

Man suddenly realises he could wank again

A MAN has brightened after realising that, despite his having masturbated already today, a second go is a distinct possibility.

Being a drug mule, and other jobs for truly thick people

EVEN the stupid need jobs, and they’re prepared to overlook the long-term consequences entirely if offered enough. Hence these employment opportunities:

Britons would be out enjoying the sun if they weren't basically slaves

BRITONS are thinking about what they would be doing in the sun if they were not basically historical slaves but with computers.

Anyone who viewed your LinkedIn profile did so for wanking purposes

LINKEDIN has confirmed those searching your name on the professional networking site are not doing so to see your recent work activities but for rampant, gleeful self-abuse.

Pick a scapegoat: Six actually effective team-building exercises

GETTING a group of co-workers to mesh can be a challenge, but you don’t need to waste money on wanky team-building events. Simply appeal to their basest instincts, like this...