BRITONS are thinking about what they would be doing in the sun if they were not basically historical slaves but with computers.
Watching the sunshine through permanently-sealed double-glazed windows, office staff are wishing they were not trapped in a modern economic hamster wheel remarkably similar to the long-outlawed practice of slavery.
Office worker Tom Logan said: “Have I really got any choice about whether to turn up to work? Nope. I may as well be being kept prisoner on a Roman galley. At least it’d be cheaper than the gym and I’d see the odd shark, which is more interesting than Gavin’s male pattern baldness.
“Okay, we don’t get whipped, not in marketing anyway, but being a wage slave is just so boring compared to the traditional version. Imagine the sense of achievement when you finish a pyramid. You don’t get that with spreadsheets.
“Plus you had the option of being a gladiator which looks excellent in Gladiator 2. Twatting monkeys with a sword for a living? That’s not work, that’s my dream lifestyle.”
Sales administrator Nikki Hollis said: “If I’d been born good-looking enough to be a supermodel or enough of a devious bullshitter to be a tech bro I’d be lolling about on yachts and the sun would be my friend, not a bittersweet reminder of this air-conditioned corporate prison.
“Instead I’m stuck here like a slave. Although my colleague Emma keeps saying that as a modern white person I probably shouldn’t go around saying ‘I am literally a slave’.
“What’s offensive about the ancient Egyptians? Is there another type of slavery I haven’t heard of?”
