A MAN has brightened after realising that, despite his having masturbated already today, a second go is a distinct possibility.
James Bates, aged 26, came to the understanding during a long morning working from home after having thrown away his first self-abuse session of the day in the shower.
He said: “Should have savoured that. But wait.
“I’m alone in the house, the couch is beckoning, the hand lotion is just there and I’m definitely feeling a twitch. I think this is on.
“It will require pornographic assistance this time. She’ll have to be trashier to help me through the barrier. This will be shameful and leave me wincing with regret. Those are the best ones.
“If I build myself up now with a bit of softcore in the background I should be primed and horny through lunch and ready to thrash this out early afternoon. This could really turn a disappointing day around.”
He added: “Who says the world’s a terrible place? I guess sometimes things just work out.”
