Arts & Entertainment

Everything on telly now making woman horny

A SINGLE woman in lockdown has admitted that she is now even getting sexually excited at This Morning. 

Disney shelves heartwarming movie about sick pangolin being cared for by his bat friend

DISNEY have announced that they are delaying a film about a loveable ill pangolin who is saved by his trusty friend, a market-dwelling bat.

Staying in not the new going out, nation discovers

DESPITE claims to the contrary, the country has realised that staying in does not compare to a night out.

Five foreign language films you could watch but oh, you've just put on Friends again

THE TIME in self-isolation could be spent watching some of those great foreign language movies you've been meaning to see like, oh, you've put Friends on from the beginning instead.

How to cut a Coronavirus chart banger, by Ed Sheeran

AS the best contemporary songwriter since Bono, I can’t shy away from taking on the big issues. Here’s how I’ll write the Ring a Ring O’ Roses for the coronavirus generation.

Genesis reform to play to older brothers who like that sh*t

PROG-ROCK giants Genesis have reformed to play to thousands of older brothers who take music very seriously.

Woman doesn't understand film despite talking all the way through it

A WOMAN has no idea what happened in the film she watched with a friend, despite asking questions throughout it.

Adult expects kids' film to solve all her emotional issues

A WOMAN who watched Toy Story 4 is disappointed that it didn’t solve her emotional issues, including anxiety, difficulty forming relationships and being an immature, dysfunctional nightmare.

Hollywood all cleaned up after the only man who did this stuff convicted

HOLLYWOOD has pronounced itself free of all abuses of power after the only man who ever abused his power was jailed.

Streaming perfectly recreates experience of choosing sh*t film in Blockbuster

STREAMING services have digitally simulated standing in Blockbuster for 40 minutes before choosing something crap, viewers have confirmed.

Six incredibly stupid reasons for scrapping the TV licence

RIGHT-WINGERS have their sights set on getting rid of the BBC in its current form. But do their arguments stand up to scrutiny?

I just wanted my own TV show, admits Greta Thunberg

CLIMATE activist Greta Thunberg has confirmed that starring in her own reality TV show was the entire point from the start.