Arts & Entertainment

Joy as director's cut actually involves some cutting

A DIRECTOR who shortened his original film rather than load an extra, pointless hour onto it has been widely praised.

Five worthy successors to The Jeremy Kyle Show

ITV has announced it will not be replacing The Jeremy Kyle Show, leaving viewers without their fix of voyeuristic mid-morning misery. Fill that void with these:

Producers reassure fans James Bond will still be a prick

THE producers of upcoming Bond film No Time To Die have reassured audiences that he will still be the same old offensive ars*hole.

There haven't been any good albums this decade, media agrees

THE media has announced that there will be no ‘album of the decade’ lists this year because no good albums have been released since 2010.

I could be the consummate grime artist if I wished, Rees-Mogg tells Stormzy

JACOB Rees-Mogg has asserted that if he were to become a grime MC his intelligence and natural authority would place him in pole position.

Man refuses to suspend disbelief for The Greatest Showman

A FATHER-OF-TWO has been accused of wilfully refusing to suspend disbelief while watching films with his family.

The idiot's guide to reacting to Star Wars trailers

WHEN a new Star Wars trailer comes out your first duty is to rush to the internet and be a twat about it. Try these strategies.

Cheerful new Sarah Lancashire drama is antidote to Brexit dark times

A NEW and typically upbeat Sarah Lancashire drama, The Accident, will put a smile back on the face of angst-ridden Britain, TV bosses have promised.

Pedantic twat's hobby is hating films everyone loves

A MAN has admitted his main pastime is despising films that are univerally adored.

Boris Johnson's screenplay: the excerpts

IN 2015 Boris Johnson, then just a lowly backbench MP, wrote a blockbuster film script. Here are a few key excerpts.

Your step-by-step guide to painting a £10 million Banksy

GRAFFITI artist Banksy has just sold a frankly bollocks painting for ten million quid. Here’s how to paint your own.

Bake Off contestant wishing they were 'Mad Halloween Woman' or 'Fringe Girl'

A CONTESTANT on The Great British Bake Off  is worried they are lacking a bizarre, but essential quirk.