Arts & Entertainment

Just by reading this headline you have spoiled Avengers: Endgame

THE headline above alone has completely ruined Avengers: Endgame, and by allowing your eyes to scan this sentence you have made it even worse.

Penguin launches Marvel-style 'Penguin Universe'

PUBLISHING house Penguin is attempting to cash in on the success of Marvel by claiming all its characters coexist in the ‘Penguin Universe’.

Five classic Britpop hits to weep over during the school run

THERE’S nothing like a bit of Britpop to remind you you’re old now! Here’s an awesome playlist to sob to as you drive the kids to school.

If I gave a single shit about Game of Thrones I'd f**king watch it

I DO NOT live in an underground bunker. Nor am I a lighthouse keeper in the South Atlantic. I have not recently awakened from an eight-year coma. So yes, I have heard of Game of Thrones.

Part-time DJ also full-time twat

A MAN who introduces himself as a ‘part-time DJ’ manages to also hold down a full-time position as a twat.

Star Wars trailer heralds start of nerd mating season

THE mating season for nerds has begun early with the release of the new Star Wars trailer.

Man to take favourite anecdote on tour

A MAN who has found local success with an amusing anecdote about losing his dog has announced he will be taking it on a nationwide tour.

Which TV shows are you telling to f**k right off?

THERE’S nothing more relaxing than sitting in front of the television telling every smug, supercilious twat on there to go and fuck themselves. But who are you saying it to, and why?

How to pretend Game of Thrones isn't bollocks

DID you get into Game of Thrones but are reluctantly realising that it’s the same old fantasy bollocks with more torture and tits? Here’s how to pretend it’s deep one last time.

Teenager wants to tell you how good Kurt Cobain was

AN awestruck 15-year-old is breathlessly telling everyone how incredible Kurt Cobain was and what a terrible loss his death was.

Man in flat cap trying to be Peaky Blinders but ending up Last of the Summer Wine

A MAN who thinks his flat cap makes him resemble a stylish 1920s gangster actually resembles an elderly Yorkshireman in a gentle comedy, according to friends.

'Woke' man trying desperately to explain Motley Crue CDs in car

A 'WOKE' man is twisting himself in knots attempting to explain some Mötley Crüe CDs in his car.