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28 Years Later follows zombies at awkward reunion event

NEW film 28 Years Later follows the zombies from the original 2001 film meeting for the first time in almost three decades to discuss how they are all getting on. 

Zombies who were part of the first movie have answered a post on their Facebook group and gathered in a motorway hotel outside Watford to reminisce about that time Cillian Murphy whacked them in the head with a baseball bat.

Reviewer Jordan Gardner said: “It’s a very different film from the first. Seeing zombies queue for an all-you-can-eat Chinese buffet really draws out their humanity.

“We follow Derek, played by Jim Broadbent and who was a window installer before he got infected, meeting up with all the rest of the gang who overran that house in Deptford. laughing about all the energy they used to have for tearing the living limb from limb.

“‘God, remember when we used to run screaming after them,’ he says to his similarly middle-aged, overweight undead friends, ‘not giving a shit about their machine guns. Imagine that now! It’s a bother getting up after a nap.’

“It turns out none of them have really done anything with their crazed, feral afterlives, they’ve all settled into boring suburban deer-disembowelling routine, and Derek begins an affair with Connie even though they both know it can’t go anywhere.

“‘Don’t I deserve the chance to be happy?’ he says, jaw hanging off.”

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My plans to dim the sun not sounding so evil now, eh? says Ed Miliband

ED Miliband suspects you are all on board with his previously much-criticised sun-dimming technology now.

With temperatures continuing to soar across the UK, the energy and climate secretary is confident that his funding for experiments to bounce sunlight back into space no longer sound like the insane plan of a megalomaniac Bond villain.

Speaking from his volcano lair, Miliband said: “Oh sure, you were all dead against the idea during the fickle spring weather. But now look at you, crawling back to me like the pathetic worms you are.

“I remember how you all slammed me for ‘playing God’, simply because I thought about putting black dust on clouds to block out the sun. My vision of a nuclear winter sounds pretty appealing now though, doesn’t it, as you leave trails of sweat everywhere like big disgusting slugs?

“Maybe I’ll take pity on you all and go ahead with it – if you apologise for calling me an awkward dork and erase that picture of the bacon sandwich from the internet.

“Or I might just sit there laughing as humanity burns. My godlike powers have already gone to my head.”

Mary Fisher from Swindon said: “Typical Labour. I suppose immigrants will get all the cooler temperatures.”

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