Arts & Entertainment

She's a waterfall, and other metaphors for women employed by singers trying to get laid

WHAT is she? Definitely not a groupie, no, she’s some form of flattering abstract noun and you’re prepared to elaborate if she takes her top off. These comparisons led to sex...

Oasis reunion marred by fratricide

OASIS’S first reunion gig has been praised by fans as the greatest concert they have ever attended, spoiled only by a minor fratricide late on.

We ask you: are you ready to see Ozzy Osbourne bite the head off a live bat one last time?

FAMED oral decapitator of chiroptera Ozzy Osbourne performs for the final time in Birmingham today. What are you hoping he will do?

'Play one off your two good albums!': Helpful things to shout at tonight's Oasis gig

ATTENDING an Oasis reunion gig? So stupefied by the magnitude of the occasion that you don’t know what to shout? Try these.

Kneecap to sue bastards who nicked their thing

KNEECAP have announced they are taking legal action against punk band Bob Vylan for stealing anti-Israel publicity that was rightfully theirs.

Glastonbury is a blueprint for a better society without my parents. By Tom Logan

MY first time at Glastonbury has opened my eyes. I believe it offers a blueprint for a society that is more equal, free of prejudice, and your parents aren’t hassling you all the time.

Dr Dre, and six other musical doctors who in a medical emergency should sit the f**k down

BOGUS doctors are surprisingly common in the music industry. Here are some who may not even have completed the basic seven years of medical training.

28 Years Later follows zombies at awkward reunion event

NEW film 28 Years Later follows the zombies from the original 2001 film meeting for the first time in almost three decades to discuss how they are all getting on.

Eight acts headlining your crappy little local music festival

YOU live in a small town of no real note and yet someone has decided you deserve your own music festival. These are the only headliners you can get.