Arts & Entertainment

The 40-something's guide to olden-days television

TOO young to remember when there were three channels and they all shut down twice a day? Geriatric 45-year-old Tom Logan describes this incredible era.

Child adamant glitter spilt all over the living room carpet is not a big issue

A CHILD making a sparkly picture has hit back at accusations that spilling glitter all over the living room carpet is a big deal.

Halloween outfit excitement rising among children and weird adults

THE excitement of dressing up like a spooky character for Halloween is rising for children and weird adults.

Britain urging Bake Off cast to launch coup d’etat

HAVING seen its adept handling of complex and uncertain tasks such as making Battenberg cakes, the UK public has urged the Bake Off presenting team to immediately depose the UK government.

Family who watched same-sex couple on Strictly now all gay

A FAMILY of four who watched two women doing a dance together on Strictly Come Dancing have confirmed that they all turned into homosexuals immediately afterwards.

'What's she been in?' man asks for the duration of whole f**king film

A MAN ruined a film by wondering where he had seen the female lead before for the entirety of its running time.

Five Spotify playlists so shit they will make your partner leave you

ARE you such an annoying twat that you’ve made a playlist of canine-related tunes for your dog? Set up these five to end up alone:

Five reasons why Batman movies can f**k off 

ANOTHER Batman film is on the way, as if we hadn’t had our fill of the moody pointy-eared bastard. Here’s why he should be given a rest.

Only place in London you can shag a stranger is Strictly

THE only location in London where you can have casual sex with a member of a different household is now Strictly Come Dancing.

The BBC's guide to enabling bellends

ARE you a broadcaster who feels the need to support blustering bellends then can’t understand why they turn on you? Here’s how the BBC keeps doing it.